Thanks for taking the time to write this. Great advice and I will look into the books after I am done with DB/ DR and [edited by dbmod: reference not recommended nor allowed].
Here's my catch 22 and maybe there's no good answer...
My revelation is that she sees me as weak and unnattractive because I have not been able to set boundaries or stand up with myself for her and lots of others. I have very much been a man with Nice Guy Syndrome. I have been passive aggressive and indirect.
So if I tolerate her openly dating without selling the house and without filing for divorce, then I am just repeating the behavior and sending signals that I can be walked all over and am clearly not a real man. I am also just repeating the behavior of keeping my head down and trying to minimize conflict (which is my natural instinct, sadly).
If I set a boundary now with her in the head space she is in, I do really risk her seeing it as an ultimatum and it could burn the relationship entirely....on the other hand, she might respect the fact that for once when it most matters, I have actually stepped up to the line and told her honestly how I feel and that I can't stay living here if she is actively dating and I cannot afford to pay rent and mortgage so we have to get rid of the house.
