Time For Change

[MrBond]

"I love her so much, and I take full responsibility of my actions, but being a drunk does not make it right for her to take up with OM and split my family up."

You being drunk caused her to put up with alot for alot of years. While it's not necessarily "right" for her to go out with another guy, I'd say she was justified. You didn't take care of her emotional needs. Just because the guy was in the background before doesn't mean that he was always interested in your W. Let's make that clear. It's what you've come up yourself. He was probably there supporting her when she tried to support you and you didn't even notice that. Your W is ignoring you the same way that you ignored her. Plain and simple.

Going back to her lying. Again I don't see where she's overly lying to you. I'd consider them little white lies because she doesn't want to deal with you. Hell after you exploded it's no wonder she doesn't tell you anything. Just because she's going out with somebody and has another person watch your kids doesn't make her a bad parent. Again, how do you think you were as a parent when you were drunk. I understand it was in the past, but it's coming back to haunt you. Learn from it.

It's obvious she left emotionally because of your behavior. Stop justifying it to her. Start understanding and coming up with a plan that goes along with that understanding. Start growing up. The OM didn't sprout up out of nowhere. He gave her the support you couldn't. Put yourself in your W's shoes. If she went back to you, how can she know (for sure) that you aren't going to go back to the way things were? She's afraid to.

The ONLY way to counteract that is to keep your POSITIVE actions consistent. Stop blowing up and start by making her feel safe around you again. Every time you blow up it pushes her into the OM's arms. She knows it pisses you off, so she doesn't tell you and you get pissed again. Round and around it goes. Stop the cycle. Get her to trust you again.

If you can't do that, or can't put your W's needs before yours, then you might as well file today. Then you can wash your hands of her. After all, she doesn't deserve your love right? Even when you were going through your drunk period, she still didn't deserve you.