In Shock. As with other things in my life right now, I get confused and distracted. I know you made the comment regarding living in the illusion. So, So true. W has said many times that I'm not really in love with her but rather the idea of being in love with her. The idea of the dream. Although the dream maybe somewhat of an illusion the love was/is real. It is real because I've chosen to love her. Not for any particular reason or charachteristic, but just because I choose too. No conditions. I just choose too and making that choice every day is what grows love. It allows you to practice it, it allows you to live it and it allows you to feel it. It's on a different level than where she's looking for happiness. W told me I was the most needy, difficult and unhappy person she's ever met and she feels sorry for me. That's part of rewriting the marriage history. Before she started pulling away, I was the happiest guy in the world. She was the absolute best. We rarely argued and if we did, we resolved it quickly and made up through communication. Again I wasn't needy until she started pulling away and I know everyone here has felt the same. The more they pulled the harder you push.
