Thanks, you are so right I am obsessing about her, I try not to but it is so hard!!!
You are right, the kids come first, I will continue to call them everynight when I am not with thm, why should they suffer anymore, they sound so excited when I speak to them
Looking back in hindsight, I know a wonderful thing!!, just over a week ago my life was great, I was connecting with my wife, we spoke daily, and I was happy, now look at me, I'm a mess!!!!
If I had biten my tounge about certain issues and just let her being with somebody and the lies not affect me as much as it had, how would I feel, I would still be in contact with her, but would I be happy, I don't think so, any by holding emotions in would only possibly create a bigger problem later?
I have spent hours reading old success stories, with great endings, but in all these tales, there is still moments were anger come out, and things are said and done that are regreted later.
I read DDay's thread from start up until piecing, and its a great success, but this guy was totally obsessed with his wife even after divorce, yes it hurts like hell, but I think its impossible to not think about them?
Its not healthy but if you truely love them, you cannot just turn off??
You need to have things to keep you occupied, to keep your mind active, to keep your concentration busy, but with the best will in the world, when I turn off the light to sleep at night, she is on my mind, when I wake up on a morning, she is on my mind, as I take the 1 hour drive to work, she is on my mind, every time I think about my kids, she is on my mind.
Again something I identified with on DDay posts, was it was after he divorced, that he realised that he couldn't be "friends" with his wife, as his feelings were too strong for her, I totally get that.
We have been "friends", taking, laughing, etc, but with a friendship brings emotions and hope, then you get crushed again, and it hurts more than the last time.
I need to go "midnight", not dark, I have to try and forget her, I cannot be "mates", she is the mother of my children and I have to try and be as cold as that, not my wife, not my best friend, and not the love of my life.
We have a deep powerful connection, hence the arguing and fights, if we were not bothered we could not hurt each other, but we do
My pain has come from the weeks OM was not on the scene, and she reached to me, now he's back, i'm pushed away, I cannot let that continue, it is not healthy for me
Could I have done things differently over the past week, yes, but I would still be hurting, and letting myself be hurt.
At the moment, I'm hurt, but I have told her I know about the lies, and I will not expose myself to be lied to again.
I cannot find anywere in DB that says I should put up with that, yes the past will be twisted to show I was worse than I was, and things will be "expanded upon", but not in the now, I don't have to listen to lies now, so I take myself away from that situation, and that is what I have done.
My kids are great, I have never called their mother in front of them, and I always say that I caused the split, my time with them is precious, and we have a great relationship, so I am happy in regard to my children.
My issue is my wife, I understand the "bandaid" reference, and it a great analogy, but for weeks I was the "bandaid", now he comes along and I'm ripped off and replaced, and yes that's her right and privelage, but it still hurt like hell!!!
My wife has filed for divorce, she has OM, so why has she been speaking to ME daily, talking to ME, laughing with ME, because she still has feelings for ME, I know this, I look into her eyes and know she loves ME, and I'm not just looking for things I want to see, I can see it, and thats the problem, if she wants to continue with OM, I cannot expose myself to those feelings and emotions without being hurt.
I have to totally lose all contact, that is the only way I can maintain sanity, and it may help with my "obessing".
She knows where I am, and she knows how I feel.
I agreed I have to let her do what she thnks best, let her go on the journey she want, but its a journey she has to take without being my friend, I am just the father of her children.
