Finally confronted H on affair...Now what????

[25yearsmlc]

well said angel^^^

Also, a "PS" about guilt and men.

Some Russian author said it best when she wrote: "When men feel guilty, they attack."

IDK if it lost something in the translation But I sure find that to be true. Can't think of a single time my anger or attempt to guilt my h has not converted into HIM being angry at ME!


OR storming off, etc. I don't think it ever has worked the way I hoped. And yet I only stopped doing it about 5 years ago. (Gee, I'm a super fast learner...not!!)

But I guess that's a benefit of this whole ordeal. I just don't guilt him anymore.
Rational talks in CALM tones helps a lot. THe second my voice changes, he tunes out or gets his shields up and arms his arsenal.

Even if you justified guilting him, (for obvious things he's already feeling guilt but hiding it from YOU so you're the last person he can hear it from)
but, it won't work well, or at least not for any length of time. Plus it backfires so badly and makes you look bad in ways Angel alluded to.

Good luck, I'll try to read your sitch so I have a context. I know this stinks but it does get better. Seriously.

But don't lose sight of what you CAN control, which is one person--YOU.

What are YOU doing for YOU to make you the best you that can be?

If you truly work on that, and authentically improve into being your best self, i.e., a woman only a fool would leave,

then you must leave the results up to God.

How will your h know you've changed? He has to see you b/c of the kids. Those are opportunities for you to detach BUT Look great and be upbeat...moving on. Did you get the 37 rules for Dbing that Sandi put together? It's a compilation...maybe I'll post it later.

SO-
How will he trust that your changes are real and will last if he comes back, and aren't just "tactics" to get him back?

I say "do the math"...

Consistent change + sufficient time = changes they can believe in.

(( ))