Resist the temptation to call her, and let her call you back. If it's important, although I don't know what that would be, she will call until she reaches you. If she's taking your temp or is feeling lonely / regret / remorse / whatever...again, let her do the legwork.
Just sayin...
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
That is exactly what I am struggling with right now: to call or not to call?
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
i agree with Telemark. IF it is important, she WILL call you until she gets in touch. The other things--- if it's one of those, you don't want to talk to her in that case anyway because chances are you can get hurt. (well, more hurt)
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
anychance, I'm traveling down east coast to florida, bringing my mom back to florida, good to get away from my sitch, but... also alot of time on my hands to think about the sitch... my wife will be leaving in about 6 weeks, I wonder what I will do when/if she contacts me for the first time.. this is no fun, but someday we will look back on this period and it will be a bit less painful, anyway, continued good luck on your sitch
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
AC, I am just getting caught up right now. Since she said she would call back sometime, just let her call back. She said she just called to talk. You don't want to call her only to have her not be at a place where she doesn't want to talk. Also, if she calls, and you are not in a good position to talk, don't answer.
You are very correct. I will wait for her to call.
Just had dinner with our best friends. W confided in them continually, as do I. They point out that depression is a very bad disease, and very hard to deal with. They maintain that W is a totally different person than she was a few years ago. The main argument is that I should cut W loose.....the connected finances aside.... but that W is effectively dead and is never coming back. Take care of myself. Quit investing emotional time into W.
I am an emotional disaster. I have loved this woman for 20+ years, and my best friends tell me she is gone and never coming back. She is in her own world and has been for a couple of years.
I am a fool. Love her, want to be there for her, but I am a fool.
I have never explained myself here, but I am a fairly successful academic type. And all this is sucking the life right out of me. Hard to understand why I should continue. How do you know when to pull the plug?
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
AC, I just read your posts. I know how you are feeling. My husband is moving away to the east coast in 2 weeks to live with his girlfriend. When to pull the plug is a question I ask myself every day. But I keep remembering the words: "what God has joined together, let no man divide". Basically I'm being screwed and hurting because I am doing the right thing by following my vows. It makes me wonder if doing the right thing is making me appear stupid. My husband calls me all the time and even visits. I bet that will change after he moves. We will get through this AC. Next year at this time we will be feeling so much better.
M 45 H 44 Married 9/09 Seperated 9/10 Not yet filed for divorce 1/11 - H meets OW in another state 9/7/11 - H tells me he is moving to another state on 10/1/11
Met with my IC today. Interesting timing as the brutal 'tough love' conversation with our great friends has me spinning and very depressed.
I need to gather my strength and move forward without W. I cannot do anything for her, and I cannot control what is going to happen. In my very low points, I visualize only the worst outcome. I cannot predict the outcome, but I cannot sit here thinking she is coming back. She did not move away to 'heal', she moved away to get away from me and her situation here, IMO.
I need to GAL. I need to avoid self medicating. I do not want to go on meds. I need to move forward. I need to avoid becoming a shell of my former self. I need to get out of this mental dark place I am in. I need to accept reality.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
"I am a fool. Love her, want to be there for her, but I am a fool."
Absolutely not true. You are filled with grief and missing the woman you built a life with, but that is not the mark of a fool. Now, if you stay stuck where you are for the next several months...then we might start to wonder.
Get out of the house, AC. That is where the demons live. Trust me, I know. Force yourself to just get in the car, or on a bike, or whatever mode will get you away from there and go.
You will get through this.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
