Alternatives to "I'm sorry you feel that way."

[Handler]

Hello tjb54,
My heart goes out to you as our situations are similar and you're probably dealing with a lot of the same stuff.

We're still in the same house and I am the process of filing a response to her divorce papers. She has accused me of stalling the process and says that her animosity grows toward me daily, and that it is horrible for her to still be living in the same house.

We still communicate daily about child care issues and are juggling transportation as we both work. She was actually very pleasant to me on Friday and we went to dinner as a family. She was warm and engaging throughout Friday night, and was back to snarling at me on Sunday (today).

The roller coaster continues, but I also continue to try and be the person that only a fool would leave. I've kept my cool the vast majority of the time, and in some ways, I've found some strength and respect for myself in continuing to not fall for the bait she lays out. It is still hard for me to connect this person with the one I used to know. There must be a lot of pain in her for her to continue to push me into an angry response.

She has talked about telling the kids, but has not forced a time line for this. Most of the professional advice I've received is to keep the talk with the kids as neutral as possible. No talking about the affair or pointing out that it is she who is driving the D effort. I'm fine with this with my 9 year old but the 12 year old is going to want to know details. I have no need to let him in on the affair (but have my fears that a peer will do this at some point as word spreads through our town). It will be hard for me to not let him know, if he asks, that a D is not what I want.

Handler