I know what you mean, JB, I hate it too. She deserves to have both of us. Last weekend he was supposed to have her but he was 'too sick'- just not too sick to go to a football game. And this weekend I guess he'll see her today for a bit, although I haven't heard from him.
Why can't the WAS see what this does to the kids? It breaks my heart.
I can't see how the WAS justifies what they do to the kids either. My W told me a couple of days ago she's going to move out and "create a new home for her and S4" Ok.....ripping the child out of his only home with two people who love him and care for him. Removing him from me except for brief visits! Don't tell me this won't have long lasting psychological effects on all these kids who have this happen!
She has always said "I will do what is best for S." Well, this is where I don't get it. THIS is best for the kids? WAS truly are alien beings--- and I think many of them have misplaced their hearts.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
IS, I can not even imagine what you're going through...my heart truly goes out to you. I really hope a L can give you some options, it just seems grossly unfair, not to mention unhealthy for your S.
I never did hear from my H today. Not a word. Even if he wants nothing to do with me, what about our D? Doesn't she even deserve a phone call since we both told her she would see him today??
Sadly, I think I know the 'why', but it just kills me. The last time we spoke, things were positive, and now? I am so sad/angry/disappointed I don't know what to do.
ROMB, I think all you can do is present from your D's perspective. You are sad/angry/disappointed, but he's not going to hear any of this. You can express concern on the level of stress it appears your D is feeling. After all, he is supposed to be co-parenting.
I did end up hearing from H late last night. Got a lame 'sorry about today'. His excuse was a lame one that his phone was dead (this coming from a guy who went ballistic when I didn't hear my phone a while back when he called- the hypocrisy is amazing!). I was somewhat un-db like in my response- I didn't fuss at him, but I did tell him I didn't appreciate getting stood up. He apologized again, but I ended the conversation quickly.
He ended up at D's class again tonight, and gave me the puppy dog eyes asking if I hated him. Told him no, and then he asks if I still love him. I changed the subject. I haven't told him I loved him lately even when he's told me. I don't know if that's the right DB thing to do there, but that's what my heart tells me to do.
While D was in class we did have an opportunity to discuss her behavior, which as I have said is very troubling to me. He definitely seemed concerned, and at first I thought he was going to blame me for her problems (that's what he has done in the past). He did surprise me, though, and just acknowledged it. He asked me why I thought it was happening, and I again told him I thought it was stress from our situation. Not much response but I could tell he was taking it in.
After class he asked if we wanted to grab dinner and I agreed because I really think D needs some time with him. During dinner D leans over to 'tell me a secret'. She asked me to kiss H. I asked her out loud (so he could hear her say this) and she grinned and said it again. Of course, we did. I think this was a good thing, albeit sad, of how much she notices our interactions with each other. We were always very affectionate, and now its hit or miss. But at least he can see first hand how this situation is affecting our sweet little girl. It said more about it than anything I could have said to him- out of the mouth of babes, right?
As we were leaving tonight he did mention going out with just me tomorrow- I sort of ignored the comment because I really don't think I want to go. Not sure how I'm going to handle that one if he brings it up again.
I did get some exercising in today, so I was proud of that since I've been slacking lately. Mentally today was a tough day, I missed H and was just in a generally foul mood. Trying to do more GALing, but the stuff I've been trying to plan lately has been falling apart on me. I did some work today towards a business I'm trying to start, so I think I'll focus on that for now.
Thanks again, JB and all those keeping up with my sitch.
It sounds like your H is definitely pursuing you. It hard to tell what the motivation really is. You should set the boundaries as you feel appropriate, and it sounds like that's what you're doing. Unless your motive is revenge or anger for not wanting to go on a date, don't go on the date. Go when you're ready.
Don't worry, the GAL'ing will fall into place, even if you have setbacks here and there.
So things just took a complete turn for the worse. For reasons I can't go into, I need to find somewhere to live now. Been living with family, that is not going to be an option much longer. I also have no credit (had great credit at one point, husband #1 defaulted on our mortgage before he refinanced after the divorce, so it went from AAA to the toilet), no job, and no money. Quite frankly, I'm scared.
H has a really bad habit of kicking me when I'm down, and he has stayed true to form. Somehow, he has made this situation about him. I guess thats typical for a narcissist.
Lost, scared, lonely, disillusioned, desperate... how did I end up here? my own fault, no one to blame but me.
It's not your fault. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. It [censored] but it's true. You have the strength to pick yourself up and keep moving forward.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
