Read your sitch dude quit trying to make yourself the victim. You don't have to pretend for us. We have all made mistakes, admitting to them is step one.
Secondly all this talk about doing things wrong, and not being appreciated, sounds like your W is tired of you running stealth contracts on her. She's angry, and it just makes you have a victim puke.
Also have you stopped to consider that she treats you like crap because you let her? You talk about how much patience it takes not to go off on her etc etc. Sounds like you're making excuses in order to avoid conflict. What does she get from this she learns she can walk all over you. This infuriates her even more because guess what, women don't like weak men.
Ok so big rant here, but that's because I'm in the middle of re-reading No More Mr Nice Guy, and you fit some of the case studies to a T. Look were not trying to judge and I can assure you no one here enjoys seeing what you are going through. So let me tell you that I recommend this book, because I was there too. The yelling, the anger, the name calling, the blatant disregard for all we do, yeah I was there. All because I could not man up for myself. You think you're manning up with your ultimatum but really it's just a victim puke, almost everyone here can see it.
Now I will not go and explain the whole process here, but bottomline you have most likely been exhibiting some traits and behaviors that in your mind, are good "nice guy qualities". In reality they suffocate, pressure, and black mail those you love. You may see yourself as genuinely nice, but in reality you are trying to manipulate those around you. Eventually those around you consciously or subconciously see through this and lash out. (you're whole story with the chores, comes to mind and is eerily familiar).
Ever felt like you give and give and never get the recognition you deserve? Like you take care of the family, be it financially, or cooking, cleaning, whatever, but people don't appreciate it?
Don't know you personally but I could be just plain wrong. Either way just get the book read a few chapters, and ask yourself. Am I really like this? The answer may surprise you.
