It's been an emotional roller coaster the last 10 days since she dropped the bomb.

I have admittedly done some terrible things in ignorning her and demonstrated a great lack of compassion for how much pain she was in.

That said, I am now really thinking back to my day-in-day out life and analyzing why I wasn't more empathetic.

The reason I blamed her was because she has actually been a monster. Every day the smallest mistake or forgotten task or the slightest hint of attitude or backtalk has been met with severe verbal lashings. Seriously, there was a long time when I though she might have Tourettes. This still happens now that we are separated, living together - but not as often.

For instance, if I didn't do the dishes to her liking, she would go on a tirade, accusing me of not doing them well intentionally so that she would have to redo it and stop asking me (that paranoia showed up in a lot of tasks - she was always accusing me of sabotaging things so that she wouldn't ask me to do them).

Then, if I tried to discuss it or defend myself calmly (I always keep my cool), I would trigger instant and severe rage, "F you you fing ahole. You're such a loser, d#$f$ck pansy s#$tbag" She would do this in front of the kids all the time. She would also scream at the kids (during 12-30 months in age) in the same way probably 1-2 times a week during her post partum. Sometimes she would just look at me and sense my nervousness was enough to trigger verbal abuse.

She also has had highly enhanced senses - smell and hearing especially to the point where ordinary level music, sounds, barely detectable smells cause acute pain to her and she needs to leave the room (she claims she was always this way but I don't think that's true).

After she gave birth, I believe her hormones became unbalanced. It would explain a lot as she recently took a personality test and it actually classified her as a man (which she's proud of?). She acts like someone who has too much testosterone - kind of like someone on steroids.

So while I am highly regretful of the pain I have caused her by totally neglecting her and her needs and treating her poorly for 5 years -- I want to hear from the community - is the behavior I am describing normal for a woman who is miserable in their relationship? Or does it sound like there is something else going on?