glad you saw him in person and didn't fall apart, which was probably tough for you.
But, Did you see VCs questions (and others that many others have asked....)
the questions you continue to avoid are
THE questions YOU must decide, or they'll be decided for you.
Can you make it on your own financially or not?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Wow, rysmom, I would have wet my pants How did you handle seeing and talking to him? Now that it's over and done, could you see having convos with him in the future? Next time you need to speak to him, don't text. Call him. A bit at a time, and you will get more confidence. I am sorry to hear MIL is back in the hospital. Maybe a visit to her is in order?
No i could not make it on my own financially.i was really nervous it was hard to focus on what he was saying cuz i was so nervous. I feel h is a very lost soul and needs help with his spending. even if he came back this would be a major issue that i dont know i could live with especially in this economy we could end up on the street with his addictition. i think he has to hit bottom to change and i dont want that to happen to son and i. i feel like im going to get physically sick over this i have to join a alanon group, i need support for his addictive ways i feel like im going crazy with this stress. i cant control him and i cant cure him.
son and i took my mother our to dinner for her bday last night, she is 75. we had a nice time. son told h we were going. h said to say happy bday to mother. we use to have such great bday celebrations as a whole family, but it was nice anyway.
if filing is truly the only way (VC, are you sure you're in the same state? Just asking)
and it's the only way for you protect yourself, then
I think you have to look at it like he is an alcoholic. Do you want to keep letting him drive you and son around in the car if he's drinking?
But I just want to make sure you have your facts right.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
No, 25, I am in the great state of Alabama. I do lots of research on every subject under the sun-I am a bit obsessive compulsive like that; I have to know. vc
Rysmom, only you can make that decision. Right now, I can tell you are pretty shook up from the H encounter. Maybe not thinking straight. Give it a bit of time, and think about it. Now that H opened the line of personal communication, you can continue it, and see if there is still anything there.
Anything is possible, R is possible, hope does not have to die. Heck, I never thought my M had a chance. Finding this site was one of the best things to happen to me. Not all M's are saved, but enough are to give hope to us.
You do have to protect yourself. Could you discuss it with your H in person, without any distractions around?
If you file for divorce, you can get a temporary agreement from the court (if you don't have one already) that will guarantee some financial security for your son and you. Trust me...filing for D in no way is the final nail in the coffin on your M. In my case, my H (the WAS) filed end of April, we came to an agreement on child custody and finances on our own outside of court, we separated (he moved out)...and for the last 3 weeks we have been working toward reconciliation. The D that was filed has been gathering cobwebs since I answered his original petition. I am hopeful we reconcile, but in the meantime I have financial security just in case we don't.
I'm glad you had an enjoyable evening celebrating with your mother. I'm sure it meant the world to her celebrating with you and your son. I hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend!
How did you handle seeing and talking to him? Now that it's over and done, could you see having convos with him in the future? Next time you need to speak to him, don't text. Call him. A bit at a time, and you will get more confidence. 