time and distance

[any chance?]

Update:
Yesterday was tough. I threw our annual backyard BBQ for 50 folks. Everyone we know was there. It was a good time, as always. Definately missed W. Friends are at the point they don't even ask about her any more. She has been gone 4.5 weeks, and everyone assumes she is never coming back. I am trying to get my mind wrapped around that idea, but I am not there yet.

It really hurts that she does not want to talk to me. I feel that I should not contact her. I needed to get a document from her last week and it took me 2 days to work up the nerve to send an email. Weird. One of my female friends tells me I should send her brief emails/texts just to let her know what I care about how she is doing. Not sure I should do that. Very bizarre that you can be with someone for 20 years and now feel like you should not contact her. Just wish I had any idea how she was doing or what she is thinking. This limbo is killing me.

I feel very hollow these days. Very alone. The time does not seem to be making it any better.