W is moving out.....life goes on...

[In_Shock]

MY FIRST THREAD: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2181879#Post2181879

Not sure if this link to my earlier thread will work - not sure how to enter it. But I thought in light of newest events I should start a new thread. Plus I had way over 100 posts on the last one.

Now that W is talking about moving out and taking S4 I have to pick myself up and keep DBing. I think the space will actually be good once it's all said and done. BUT I will fight for my son. Still have hope for the R someday, but right now I'm letting her go run amok down her own path of destruction. And I'm going to wish her well b/c that's all i can do.

[LearningPatience]

That's the proper attitude! The hard part will be maintaining that attitude, but I'm sure you'll be able to do it.

[In_Shock]

Right now I'm saying it until I believe it. I know my venting and wallowing at the end of the last thread is counterproductive, so in solution based we try something different.

I'm going to work hard on a PMA and GAL. Not just say it, but work on it actively. Keep me in your thoughts please. I think that this time right now is my bottom. It feels like it. But once we hit it, nowhere but up, right?

[~¤DG¤~]

Absolutely. There is no place left to go but up.

You'll have your days, but that is what we are here for.

[Rick1963]

In Shock why would she be taking your son? Don't you have equal rights? Correct me people but if that has been his home can she call child protective services as taking him away might be harmful? Not sure if it is a good idea just a suggestion. Hang in there IS I like your attitude.

[In_Shock]

25 years--- i checked on the EE workshop. I noticed the next one is early november-== i don't think i can go since school will be in session. Are there any other workshops you can recommend that would be sometime in mid/later December on my winter break?

[In_Shock]

no, rick. in my sitch, she has ALL the legal rights b/c we are a same sex couple. It was a matter of which one of us picked up the pen that day in the adoption office.

She is using our son to hurt me. I had NO IDEA she would be this way. We always trust.... We were together 9 years when we adopted S. She was always always always SO kind, generous, compassionate, etc.... This alien I'm living with now is just full of lies and blame. It hurts so bad to think of losing my son. that is the absolute worst and why i think i've hit bottom about now..... Keep me in your thoughts please.

[25yearsmlc]

25 years--- i checked on the EE workshop. I noticed the next one is early november-== i don't think i can go since school will be in session. Are there any other workshops you can recommend that would be sometime in mid/later December on my winter break?

call EE to ask. They usually only have 2-3 a year. I've been to other workshops and this one (EE) is by far the most profound. I mean, I doubt it'd hurt to go another one as I have, but there's no comparison to me.

And think hard about not going in November. It's perfect timing for you. And With your DC, I would bet anything she'd allow you to miss ONE and 1/2 days of work. Geez, it's like wellness days (or sick days or whatever they call them there).

It begins on thursday night and ends Sunday night (but if possible, take monday off to process some more...or whatever--take what you can get)

Keep up the PMA and do the GAL

this program works if you work the program (sorry if that sounds 12 steppy, but..so what?)

and in discussions with your w, I'd suggest you SAY LESS, not more.

Make sense?

Let her solve her own puzzle. You cannot put the pieces in the right places for her or stand hovering over her shoulder telling her which piece goes where.

If she ever loved you deeply and if you were ever a truly happy couple

let those memories resurface as they MUST, IN TIME.

..but the more you stand by to remind her of them--the longer it'll take for her.

In the long run, her moving out probably is going to speed up the resolution of this, either way. That's not all bad Mary...

and of course, fight for your boy. I understand the issue of an adoptive parent versus the caretaker, but my GUESS (semi educated one) is that a family court would at least listen to the "best interests of the child" argument
and that's a little leverage you have, vis a vis HIM...

Keep on keeping on. Are you on Anti-depressants yet? Hope so. And I say that as a person who used them so I could get off the

damn highway of negative thinking & looping around, never taking an exit ramp to SLOW down my looping and negative spiraling,

and really SEE my life and what direction I wanted. Meds can help with that. Also helps with not blurting out stuff you almost always regret later.

Many hugs

((( )))

[In_Shock]

You may be right about my DC letting me have a couple of days off for my mental health. She KNOWS how far down I am right now and how much I need something. EE and a couple of days off would be a better alternative than admitting myself into a mental health clinic wouldn't it?? (only half joking...)

S and I are out at the McD's big playplace right now. He loves to come here and to the park b/c there are many kids to run around wiht. He gets so wound up!!! I always like to watch him playing. He has this big old smile and you can hear his laughter echoing through the filet o'fish rarified air.

I sent a note to mods to close my other thread to limit confusion.

W is supposed to pick him up around 3 (well, it's 330 now, and she hasn't called...guess she and OW are busy planting flowers or whatever they call it... YUCK) After S goes with alien woman I have a couple of choices. An old friend invited me over to her house tonight or tomorrow -- hadn't decided yet -- OR I might head to the coffee shop. Good atmosphere. Good books. Good people. And it's OUT.

[In_Shock]

[/quote] from my dear friend 25years


Keep up the PMA and do the GAL

this program works if you work the program (sorry if that sounds 12 steppy, but..so what?)

Absolutely. AA type programs do work. I have actually compared DB to AA. Work it work it work it.

and in discussions with your w, I'd suggest you SAY LESS, not more

Never easy for me but I'm getting better and learning. Every time I get in a painful convo - whether or not I initiate it, I get my A$$ handed to me one way or another. KISS - keep it simple stupid. Talk about S and absolute necesary things. Otherwise. Be pleasant and detach.
Make sense?

Let her solve her own puzzle. You cannot put the pieces in the right places for her or stand hovering over her shoulder telling her which piece goes where.

Yep. Got it. Mouth shut. Make popcorn. Watch her implode. Detach. Lovingly. But. Detach.



If she ever loved you deeply and if you were ever a truly happy couple

let those memories resurface as they MUST, IN TIME. She still says she did love me deeply at one time. She really did. But she blames me for killing her love. Yes, time is my friend if I do what I'm supposed to do. It's hard. But it's necessary.

..but the more you stand by to remind her of them--the longer it'll take for her.

Yep. Understood.

In the long run, her moving out probably is going to speed up the resolution of this, either way. That's not all bad Mary...


She keeps saying she's DONE with me. I keep hearing her rewrite everything and make me into such a bad person. My boss and some others have given me feedback that shows I'm not a bad person nor am i crazy. I think once she's away from me, she will realize that --- hopefully. I've tried to stay nice throughout all this sh!! but when she started in about taking my S, that was the time I really lost it. But as you and others have said, she will speak in absolute negatives NOW. I must not let those horrible hurtful words become my reality.

and of course, fight for your boy. I understand the issue of an adoptive parent versus the caretaker, but my GUESS (semi educated one) is that a family court would at least listen to the "best interests of the child" argument
and that's a little leverage you have, vis a vis HIM...

Keep on keeping on. Are you on Anti-depressants yet? Hope so. And I say that as a person who used them so I could get off the

damn highway of negative thinking & looping around, never taking an exit ramp to SLOW down my looping and negative spiraling,

and really SEE my life and what direction I wanted. Meds can help with that. Also helps with not blurting out stuff you almost always regret later.

Many hugs

((( )))
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