Can my blah blah blah pt 2?

[~¤DG¤~]

Wow...I don't even know what to say.
I could never walk away from my child.

[a girl]

Well - I'm assuming that's what he'll do. It's only been 6 weeks since he moved out and he's already giving up a scheduled visitation day with S7 to go visit her. It's clear that his "addiction" to her is overriding his ability to be a good father, and given that she seems unwilling to move here, I expect him to move down there to be with her.

[a girl]

He just sent me mail saying he'll be out of town for business the week after next - I know for a fact that he is staying longer than everyone else he is traveling with so he can have extra days with her.

This means that next week, he will miss 1 of 3 visit days with S7, and the following week, he will miss 2 of 3 visit days.

I was really hoping I wasn't right.

[In_Shock]

dg i could NEVER walk away from my son. Never.

[a girl]

I know ... a lot of people could never walk away from their child. Sadly, I made the mistake of not marrying one of them.

[~¤DG¤~]

Girl- his decisions and actions are not a reflection of you, but a reflection of him.
He's in his own world right now, not seeing anything around him to realize what he is doing.
He has changed, like you said, and is no longer the man you used to know.

I pray for your S's sake that he does what a real man should do.

[Telemark]

In doing more reading, I find myself convinced that STBX is a "stealth narcissist" - it explains why he's "done this all before".

I know that it doesn't change anything, but it does help me understand - and anticipate - things. I actually feel better than I have in 2 months. I'd been beating myself up, saying 'How could he discard everything we had? How can he say the same things to her that he said to me? How can he toss away his son?'

Well. Because that's what they do.

AG, I was reading your thread and saw this, so I Googled "stealth narcissist"...wow. Just...wow. It is my W. And your H. And DG's H. And probably to some degree every other WAS being dealt with.

The questions you've been asking yourself have been the same for me, but the answer is also the same: WE DO NOT OWN THIS; this is their doing. They chose to walk away and embrace some unexplainable fantasy. They chose to lie, or cheat, or both. It's the height of selfishness, dishonesty and deceit.

I'm very sorry for the pain and confusion this is going to bring to your S7.

[In_Shock]

Yes, it is definitely not a reflection of you or YOUR choices. People are going to do what they are going to do. Like they have told me -- sit back with popcorn and let it happen while making things best for you and your child.

It's NOT something for you to own in any way shape or form.

[a girl]

Thanks, guys.

It's .. well, it's not funny, is it? But it's interesting - now that I've sort of hit upon what I believe to be the crux of the issue - I am really starting to believe it's not me. I mean. I kept telling myself it wasn't me, but then I'd think "If I'd been more affectionate, if I'd been less demanding, etc etc" - but it wouldn't have mattered.

Anyone who can toss aside a partner of 10 years for someone they met on an internet video game is *broken*. And I didn't break him - he came broken, he just hid it. Once he moved on, he stopped caring about hiding it.

Now I just need to figure out how to avoid him hurting S7 - I think it won't be possible to avoid altogether, but I hope to minimized it.

[a girl]

So, STBX is off on a trip, visiting his OW in her state. He's giving up a day of visitation with S7 to do so, and will be giving up 2 days next week (one for a work trip, the second so he could extend the work trip and have her join him on it).

Knowing what I know about his clear personality disorder helps, but doesn't fix everything.

Hopefully things will get better.