Regretful and not sure how to proceed

[25yearsmlc]

25 you have a gift. Truly. You have a gift. Thank you my friend. If YOU aren't emotionally connected, I'm not sure WHO is!!!!! LOL. whatever the F that means.....

Ok ---from the top! Here are a couple of gems I didn't mention last night/this am. I had to process the whole stupid convo first.

Here's how it went. W, I and S were making a 'box car' for S4'w preschool. She said, "We need to talk. I am thinking that living here with you looks shady. It looks like I'm cheating on OW (good fing grief) AND on you....so I need to leave. I might want to pursue this relationship with OW...."

Me: is this relationship headed that direction?
W: yes, I need to pursue it, and I can't do that if i'm living with you
Me: Wow. I wish you hadn't rushed into something so fast.
W: Well, I can make my own decision. You don't need to mother me. The thing with you and I -- there is NO you and I- has been a long time coming....
Me: I know, I know, but really. Come on. You started talking to her WHEN????
W; Oh in July or so ****** I read at least May b/c i do not believe a fing word she says at this point......
ME; exactly. So you are going to throw 13 years away for someone you started talking to in JULY???
Then the convo devolved into my begging -- please don't take my baby from me....don't break up his stability...etc.....NOT PRODUCTIVE. I KNEW IT AT THE TIME BUT S!!!! I tried to mitigate the damage....


**** Yes, I fell off the DB track, but this was a totally unexpected NOT MY INITIATED convo --- so i had not mentally prepped. I was messed up!!!!! Bad......b/c I didn't expect it I lost my DB focus. Well, sometimes as one other poster said, we all 'screw the pooch...'


Ok, my friend 25 ---. I know, I'm not a victim, therefore not at her "mercy" Poor choice of words. But it feels that way sometimes b/c she has all the marbles === and I'm so scared she will use S as a pawn. After all, she is NOT W I know and love, so WTH she might do is a mystery.... But point well taken. L consult in the works. You MAY see me in the SUPREME COURT if that's what it takes. NO ONE GETS MY SON.

Effortless emotional connection.....like i said, everyone I've asked about this says WTH does she mean? I always say.......I was asking YOU what she meant because i have NO CLUE>>>>>>> Were you (me) there for her, did you show your love? etc..... My niece says W is justifying her bad behavior and trying to hurt me and blame me. I see that. Perhaps her guilt is talking and blaming me.

See, this is why I LOVE you 25. 'cant compete with thought processes like that." Even in my horrible pain, I chuckle myself when I hear you.....Yeah. i hear you. She's a 35 year old who is channeling her inner 13 year old. It's kind of pathetic. Even moreso when the OW is 42 and also acting 13. Yep, OW is a real prize. I can see her appeal....I heard today she's tall, blonde and athletic....I'm short, a little overweight (not more than 20 lbs) and dirty blonde/strawberry. Who can compete????

Yeeck!!!! Idiots. It's easier to RUN IMHO than to do the hard work to keep a family together..... and it's easier to come in as the third person in a relationship than to try to find an available UNATTACHED person. Lowlife B. LOWLY OW. MY head IS high. I DID NOT check out on R. I NEVER cheated. I NEVER lied. I have integrity. Period. I will keep my DIGNITy.

INTERESTING SIDEBAR: I was so distraught I had to talk to my division chair today to give her a heads up on my sitch. Believe me, not an easy thing for me. I'm very professional, but I've been having some real teary moments.... So I talked to D.C. Small town, and she had some input. First, she said she knew who OW was....** for the record I've never met her, never looked her up on FB, i don't wnt to know.. KNOW nothing about her......" Division chair said inadvertently that OW is NOT a nice person and she cannot imagine my W with OW. Said OW has a rep as a USER, and a MANIPULATOR. Wow. I did not know that. From a totally DETACHED THIRD PARTY. That was saying something.....

She says OW is well 'below me' and if "W is saying OW is 'above me' emotionally or in any way.... W is sadly mistaken." Division Chair was SO caring and SO nice I cried for her a little.. she gave me a couple of hugs.....not hard in my state of mind. She said she believes W is throwing away a -(ok, this is her wording, not mine, but I have to say it makes me feel good) genuine, good, intelligent, driven, caring person who people love. W will figure out that OW is fake and (Division chair) hopes that when W figures that out that I've moved on..... and I deserve better. She did say OW has a lot of CHARISMA and '
fills up a room with her presence." YUCK>>>>>

She told me several times that she thinks I'm a great professor, well loved, talented, and definitely NOT inferior no matter what W says.......... all in all, not a convo I planned with the boss, but it happened and she was very caring. She knows W also...and OW -- (obviously) and I appreciated her outpouring of support. She told me to go home after my classes were over and just relax...... Love my D.Chair.

what a flippin' GREAT boss. Like Olympic great...geez...had to say that