M: We could always settle for being friends with benefits :-) W: :)) a little later M: We could always settle for being friends with benefits :-) W: :))
Nice. Sounds like a very confident LP in that interaction. Keep up the work on you.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Just got a quick email from W: How is your Monday going?
As you know I really don't like Monday's! I wanted to see how you are doing after yesterday's conversation? I felt better yesterday but today is a little harder.
Well I just wanted to say hi. Thanks again for the beer last night and the football company.
This is the first general reaching out email she has sent in I really don't know how long. I think my heart actually skipped a beat when I saw it come up. Guess she took it to heart when I told her she didn't have to be a stranger!
Yay, I get to practice a little DB One of my internal goals was to reestablish friendly emails with W, and I would know that the DBing was working if she sent me a general 'how are you doing' message. Looks like a possible good start here.
I'll take a little while to compose something, validate her feelings about Mondays and our convo and tell her one or two short things about my day. Nothing deep, nothing lengthy, just a response back to a friend asking how I'm doing.
Have I mentioned that I live an interesting life yet?
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Feeling a bit melancholy tonight. I've had a headache off and on all day, feeling crappy and had MC appointment.
W told the MC that the main thing the two of us discussed last Sunday was that she wanted the D. We spent most of the session talking about that; how we would stay (or even become friends) what that would mean to each of us, how would we handle the process, etc. I held it together well. MC said at one point we were talking (kinda arguing) well and if we were like that at the beginning. We were, but what that reminded me of (and I didn't say this in session, should have) is that I often felt I had to apologize for my part in things where W didn't. One complaint, even request, I should have said to W was that I needed to hear apologies when I'm hurt. W did admit that she could be pretty cruel at times, especially once she realized some of the things she was saying.
I know it's not over until the Germans bomb Pearl Harbor, but it still stings, D is one step closer. W knows she has to be the one to file. We both decided to use mediators if necessary, neither of us wants to go full on L.
One thing I give W a lot of credit for, and hope too, is that she realized that instead of finding out what she needed for herself, she kept herself so busy she had no time to think. She is going to take a lot more time to herself (so she says) to figure herself out and is dropping a couple of the sports and activities she has, including soccer with OM.
She says she is not interested in any physical R with me, which really hurts a lot. When we first started dating, she was *very* sexual with me, she's done her own 180 on that one. It's frustrating in that it has been well over a year and who knows how long it will be, if ever, with her again.
MC reiterated that I'm essentially the father figure for SD and that for all intents and purposes, MIL/FIL have 'adopted' me. I'm going to be in their lives for a long time, so unless W and I try to avoid each other, we won't really be out of each other's lives.
I just think it's so cosmically stupid that W and I got to this place. And I know stupid isn't the word, but I'll use it to describe the fact that W has seen my changes, that I've reverted to the man she first fell in love with, that we had a great history until recently, that she's seeing her own IC and MC, and yet doesn't, or can't, work on the M.
I do wish her luck on her journey, and I hope that someday we can find and reawaken the love we once had.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
I slept horribly last night. Couldn't fall asleep until midnight, woke up at three, finally took some sleeping pills and slept 4:30-12:30. Called into work before falling back to sleep, hope I haven't messed up my sleep *too* much.
Feeling a little better off and on today. Had my last run before half-marathon Sunday (so yeah, still GALing a bit) and got out a little bit for food and sunshine. Going to a concert Monday and busy week next week, so just have to get through til Sunday. Nothing really planned for tonight or tomorrow, which is kinda nice for a change.
This probably goes against DB principles, but I sent W the following email last night while feeling a bit down: Hey, This is the video for Guns n Roses - Estranged. It's a long song/video, kinda melancholy, not sure if you'd even like it, but at least it has dolphins at the end:) Felt like sharing it.
W responded back at 4:44 am I have not watched the video yet. Can you tell I can't sleep:) I am so glad you are doing better than I am. I do know at some point I will be doing good too!
I do believe and do hope that we will salvage some sort of R after all of this. In some ways, this is even harder than when I was dark with her. Now, I get just enough contact with just enough hope and friendship that it reminds me of all the good we used to have.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
oh LP i wish you could have called me. I was up all night myself. We could distract each other!!
Keep on GAL. You are doing well. I know the email was perhaps against DB but you are human, and the emotions you shaed were genuine. Don't beat urself up over it. You are a REAL person. REAL feelings come through. You are fine. Keep on doing the best you can. I'll check on you as much as I can. HUGS!!!
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
Heh, it's an 'inspirational quote' from Animal House. "Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Noooooo!"
All in all I know I am doing well. It's just a little hard sometimes when reality comes invading my little fantasy life. I think we all need to have an occasional down time to remember, reflect and recenter ourselves.
I still need to find the balance between engaging W and letting her chase after me. One thing our MC asked us is what we expect from friends. One of the things I told W is that if she wanted to be friends, we'd *both* have to reach out to the other; she agreed.
I think the $64,000 question is if I could 'settle' for just being friends with W. Likewise, her with me. Not sure either of us can answer that now.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
One of my internal goals was to reestablish friendly emails with W, and I would know that the DBing was working if she sent me a general 'how are you doing' message. Looks like a possible good start here.