Feeling alone and frustrated with a 180.

[dearme]

Thanks, guys.

I notice the "Living together platonically as 'best friends'" in your signature. Would like to let your W know what real love is all about.

On the other hand, the "best friends" part isn't all bad. As for W and me, sex when we have it, is hot (not that I wouldn't like it to happen a little more frequently), but I am struggling to gain her trust back so that she will talk to me about what is going on with her. I would love to be her best friend.

If only your W understood what a gift it is for her H to be her best friend!

Funny...up until my wife dropped the bomb our sex life was great, but we've had it a couple of times since, and to be quite honest it was a little awkward and weird both times. Certainly wasn't like it was before...and certainly not what I would want her (or me for that matter) to associate it with what it would be like if we pull through this. I chalked it up to the damaged emotional connection between us...those "walls" she's got built up are probably way taller, thicker, and stronger than I can imagine, and she's been more than clear in the past how sex for her is tied to how connected to me she feels. I also found out after the 2nd time that not having sex was a boundary that she had set as part of dealing with her codependency because she didn't want her emotions and judgment getting clouded by physical intimacy, so she had all sorts of mixed feelings afterward (and probably during as well) that she didn't clue me in on until much later.

But as I've always said, the ironic thing about all of this is we are still best friends, as professed by us both. The fact that we've been able to maintain that and it still endures through all of this is what I'm hoping is a determining factor in getting us to a place where we can start piecing things together.