What I meant was that you guys seem to be doing well financially as a couple. Times were rough, but things were for the most part under control. (this is the impression I get). She had a beautiful house, got herself a better job, yet was still seriously unhappy. So rather than looking at herself she blamed you. Not saying you didn't have a part in it, but IMHO MLC's are more about the person running than the person left behind. So of course since she didn't appreciate what she already had she seeks more. That's why it doesn't surprise me that she's after some wealthy spaniard. In a very weird way I'd suggest you take it as a compliment. Remember most WAW's think they are upgrading.
I believe you're correct. I take responsibility for my role, it's just frustrating being tagged as the cause of her unhappiness, when she had a hand too, creating external circumstances that affected the relationship. Like many couples, money exacerbates the stress in relationships.
Originally Posted By: greenblue90
Now I wasn't asking to stop DBing, but to try to move to a state of mind where you accept at least for now that it will be a while before she comes back if she does at all. I've said this about you and HOS before: your W's have the resources, education and job opportunities (even if it's at your expense) to prolong their denial. Unlike some who hit reality fast, your WAW's can afford wine dinners, trips, nights out on the town, expensive clothing, and other things to try to convince themselves that they are NOW happy. It may take a VERY long time until they are done "discovering themselves". They also have strong enabler networks it seems. Expect an extra long period of waiting, if you plan to go that route. I know it's not what you want to hear.
Once again IMHO an MLC is like a fire it burns strong, but it eventually runs out of fuel. This is after they do all the things they think will make them happy, or realize that it's unrealistic to have it all. Then they run out of gas and hopefully learn to love what they have. Your W has a lot of fuel, unlike others she can afford to do alot. Are you willing to wait for her to learn that happiness is not about wanting what you dont have, but loving what you have?
Who knows how long will it take for her to grow bored of her new interest, or realize that it's not about fancy meals, and trips, but sharing them with the one she loves, and loves her back. I dunno I'm just rambling now.
Alas I feel you are correct on this as well. The odds don't look good for me.
Sigh...reality for me is GAL for myself and deciding where my journey takes me. I struggle with missing my WAW and mourning our relationship, but must keep my eyes looking forward.
Spoke to an attorney yesterday, WAW comes out ahead. She can walk away from the mortgages, I have no way to recoup paying for her Ivy League graduate school and the earning power that comes along with it, and no way to recoup the down payment on our property. Despite being together for 18 years, since we live in California, the clock only started when we got married about 5 years ago. For someone who feels "victimized" and I'm the cause of her unhappiness, this is all a very bitter pill to swallow. My practical task now is to start sorting through our belongings and finding a place to live. Not fun....
_______________________ M: 47; W: 39 M: 4.5 yrs; T: 18 years No children Separated: 01/19/11 Wife Served Papers: 02/1/11 Wife moved: 03/05/11 Responded: 04/14/11
