been gone so long couldn't find my thread! lol!

[TAMF]

Hey Tamf, sorry you are upset.

I understand wanting positive feedback.

Here's the thing. These people care about you. And so, they are doing what they feel they need to do in order for you to have no regrets. They are trying to help you look at all sides, so that you can make decisions that are in your best interest.

And since you are so honest, I think they feel they should be totally honest with you.

It doesnt really matter what others are doing. What matters is you.

And we just want to be sure that you move forward on this journey in the most whole, healthy way.

Because if you dont do the rest of the work, you run the risk of some really big heartache down the road.

Tamf, I know most of these people personally. They have some of the biggest hearts I have ever seen.

They really do want what's best for you. And they will do whatever they have to do to get you there.

That really is the purpose here - to help and listen and challenge each other.

Sometimes its tough. But, the results are usually worth it.

(((hugs)))

Thank you Brookie, AJ, Cat, J3B, Mach, True, E, PEI & Alb (who I spoke with last night)

I want to apologize for getting so defensive. I felt under attack the last couple of days and I know that everyone is here to help.

I need to relax and take the weekend to not think about any of this. I went from being so happy, feeling free for the first time in a year, spouse not occuping head space. Ready to live my life without spouse. to depression, crying, anger, defensiveness, doubt. all in a matter of a couple days.

That is not healthy for me. I know everyone is here to challenge me. I get that and I appreciate it. but when challenging me turns me into the messed up blob that I was months ago, I have to question it.

I have re-read all of the posts without becoming defensive. I will ponder what has been asked of me silently and alone.

But not this weekend. This weekend I am going to put my depression aside and go to Applefest with a huge group of my friends and I am going to have a good time. laugh, smile and enjoy my friends that hate H JUST KIDDING!!!! They are just hurt by his actions, and it is understandable. They don't metion his name - feel like Harry Potter - "he who must not be named"

I haven't heard from spouse today, and it has been a relief. I need a reprieve to gather my strength.

So thank you all of my "Board" friends that care enough to push me over the edge, make me cry and have trouble sleeping. I just hope that all of this will help me in the end. I am sure it will.

Maybe I will be like most of you and come back a year later and say, "you were all hard as H@ll on me, but it helped me get where I am today, thank you."