Well, since this major goof on my part the other day:
"......I did make one HUGE mistake today. I want very much to try and help her "see" and I slipped bad. My son told me today that his mom has gotten worse and I've gotten better ( to be around ). She was upset with him and wanted to talk to me about it. I wanted her to see how she'd changed to the kids and I told her what he said to me......Ugh! ......"
My wife has been very cold since that day. As in intentionally. Earlier I made a joke that she found funny, but she managed to choke down the laugh. It was very obvious. Her tone towards me has been robotic. Last night my oldest was giving my garbage about doing homework. I saw no reason to yell at him, but his frustration was escalating. My wife looked at me and was intentionally controlling her anger. As if to say "See! I'm not the angry one!". Add to this that he popped off with "You're just going to wait till we get in the car and yell at me like you always do!". This comment drove my anger to its limit because it's not true at all. He said that because my wife was standing there and he was upset with me and it made me feel so low because I know she believes him over anything I say.
I'm getting further along in my reading assignment, " Women in Mid Life Crisis" ( Conway ). It's really good and has some great insight. It's still tough on me though, because I just can't see how someone wouldn't want to stop feeling crummy and just do something about it. She hates me, but big deal. Doesn't mean she can't address her other issues seeing as how the nights out don't seem to be helping.
We spoke a bit the other night and I cut it off before it got long. I told her I understand on some level what she's going through ( without suggesting what it is - MLC ). She asked me what that was because she sure as heck can't seem to figure it out. From what I can recall at this moment I did tell her:
She loves me but isn't in love w/ me She put herself into supporting me and my career aspirations She put herself into the kids She feels beneath me and not "with" me
I told her there's nothing wrong with her and that there are millions of "people" that go through what she's experiencing. If she doesn't believe me she can Google ILYBINILWY.
BUT -
She looked at me and paused. I saw it! Something was clicking! She shut it down and and responded by telling me "I'm not going to fall in love with you."
To which I responded by telling her that's fine, but that she's not alone and that nobody is keeping her from doing what 'she' wants to do.
Ladies and Gents - Something got through. I know it did and it's not because I'm hopeful. I didn't plant a seed because it was already there. Her sister had been telling her about MLC and her whole family has been telling her that her thoughts are not what they seem about me. I may have added a drop of water.
I'm reading this book ( mentioned above ) and there's a treasure of information that she could benefit from, that can explain so much of what she's living/feeling. I will not say anything about it and I generally hide from view what books I'm reading. I don't want any chance that she thinks I'm trying to fix her.
With that said though, I may be on to something. For the 5 years leading up to my wife's journey, I spent a lot of focus on my job. When we talked, I noticed it was about the kids and their activities and not the hopes and dreams we used to have. I remember so much now and the verbal queues she gave over the years that this was coming. I'm a better man today than I was 6 months ago for sure.
THE QUESTION IS IS HOW DO I GET US TALKING TO EACH OTHER?
I've done the bit stuff like mentioning something I heard on the news, but she would just pick up her phone and start texting people to see if she could find somewhere else to be.
Creating mystery about me has only seemed to maintain the norm as far as our distance to each other. Yet attempts at giving her attention pushes her away.
Same can be said for my GAL stuff. She seems a bit annoyed if it gets in the way of her plans.
