Another crisis.....but H opening up now

[angel61]

I am glad that H is out of the country so soon after all this happened, as I have time to think and reflect. It is true, that no matter how I look at it, I still end up blaming every situation on H, and my being quiet about it and not outwardly blaming him does not mean to say that inside me I am not being resentful. I need to really and truly let go, but even if every cell in my gray matter is telling me to do so, I still have not, and I just have to keep on trying until I succeed.

I sometimes hate myself for being what I am. You are right that in my head I think that if my H just snaps out of it everything will be OK. It may seem OK for me but the question is.... will it be OK for him and my D? As you all said, my D will still have issues and what we need most is to give her the tools, but with the example I am showing her, my weakness in dealing with this situation, am I giving it to her?

I did have a C (a few actually) but I don't think they really helped, they seemed to be intimtidated by my knowledge and comprehension, and one of them was totally in the mode of "you have to divorce your husband because he is abusing you" kind of mindset. Looking at this in a Freudian way: because I am an MD and I know and understand all of this, it is so easy for me (the doctor, my ego) when discussing the issues to turn it around and discuss it like I am the therapist as well. I have this issue where I can see my problematic self (probably my id) as a separate entity almost, and know what is the treatment, but I cannot merge my id and ego (my ego feels that the treatment, or what I must do, cannot apply as that would mean losing control) thus my compromise is that I act like how I think I should have, but since it is not something my ego believes, it does not really address my problem and my changes are not real. When an emtional situation arises I lose control and my acting as if and then get totally confused. Does this make sense? Add this to the fact that my H is an MD too, and I see him too dissociating his thinking self from his feeling self.

Walking, you do seem very well versed in understanding transference. I think both me and my daughter are finding common ground in blaming one person for our bad situation in life. I am using her in a sense and she is using me.

I do take this very seriously, and I am trying to formulate a plan for me to deal with both the present situation (logistics regarding my daughters problems) and my inability to do what I need to do.

I will post as I get more clarity in this, I will be brainstroming within myself, but I welcome any concrete ideas going froward from all of you. You all have contributed a lot in making me understand the situation, but it is getting to be more and more complex.

Maybe we do all need a vacation from each other!