I am also guilty of trying too hard to please my spouse. Funny now we end up with egg on our face following that program.
Shock, I hear you regarding the hate. I am trying very hard not to feel hate. At best, I'm acknowledging a small kernel of anger that I feel bubbling below the surface. I'm acknowledging it.. but I'm not going to let it command me. Even if I decide I don't want my H back (which is becoming more and more my outlook these days) I still want to be the "better choice". And to me that means conducting myself with grace, compassion and dignity.. if I can.
I don't want him to look back and say "Boy, she turned into a raging shrew when I left her. So glad I walked away from that!" No... no. I want him to say "Boy... she's so strong and conducts herself with such grace after all she's been through. I think I was a fool to walk away from that."
That! That is my goal!
Fight for your son! He is the most important thing in your life. You should be the primary parent. If nothing else.. surly 50/50 custody? In anycase.. you should fight for your rights as a parent. But I don't believe that means the way you interact with WAW should be hostile. Just because you are consulting a L and figuring out what to do doesn't mean you have to treat her with anger (altho' it's tempting)... just calmly explain your position.
