1) when they revise things so much that you cannot believe it ever happened that way you say "Wow, I don't recall it that way, but I'm sorry you were hurt/upset by it."
*(note, YOU can have faulty recall so don't deny it happened. Nothing worse than forgetting an actual injury and denying it. Saying THIS^^ is not going to worsen or escalate things and takes ownership to an extent that doesn't make you a doormat)
2) when they revise things that are somewhat valid (or a lot valid) you say "Yes well if I had it to do over again, there are a LOT of things I'd do differently."
This also prevents escalation and shows you have changed.
You must demonstrate that marriage to you now, and from this day forward
would be different/better than before.
So don't bother arguing with her that she actually was happy but is lying now
or that she Should have been happy...
if she says she's not happy now, she's not. Doesn't make it your fault.
If she says she was ALWAYS miserable, you stick to your
"Sorry you felt that way" mantra....and
3)
if she says something nice/great OR horrible/mean
but seems to want a response and you are just NOT sure how to react, then say "W, I hear you and I know there's probably a perfect response to that question/statement, but it escapes me right now."
Good luck and read the Div Remedy book b/c I don't think you have.
marital revisions are scripted...nothing new here.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
