Regretful and not sure how to proceed

[In_Shock]

thanks -- i still feel like dying.... and yes, it's SO much worse b/c she says she's taking S with her.. .and i can have him sometimes......I'm the one who's been there with him/for him his primary caretaker. Her name is on the adoption. OMG I simply cannot lose my son. I really will die. I will give up.

I know I'm totally emotional - I'm falling apart yet again. I just didn't expect this. I really thought our spending moe time together, etc.... ws good. I thought we connected, esp the otehr night. She said she felt like she's cheating on OW by being here with me.

She cannot take my son. She can't. OMG. I can't do this. Legally I know in this god forsaken state i am screwed. I really will die wihtout him. I need my boy. I need him and he needs me. She barely is even there for him anymore....me and her mom.

What can i do?? the legal system totally disregards this type of issue. The horror is it effects us the same and the kids the same as hetero marriages/divorces. Why is that so hard to see???? MY sitch here is so similar to others who are heyero. Why the discrimination???? I'm still going to die if she takes him.

Im sorry, I am totally emotional. this is also the first night she has not slept in our bed. Says she has to do something different. She doesn't even like me....but acknowledges my positive changes === WTH???? Says I just can't be what she needs.

In the end I said i will show you - she said go ahead. I'm done. I've been planning this for a ong time but stayed b/c of the house....Im glad I don't drink and glad I am too chicken for suicide. Im about there. DESPERATION.

btw i didn't bring up R talk. i thought we were having a nice night..... I'll give specifics tomorrow. I took a xanax. maybe i'll get a couple of hours sleep>

Thanks for support. I need it so badly. I'm so dead inside. Sorry to be having a pity party but my god my sitch is HORRIBLE. I can't lose my boy. I will die.