Just so I'm clear, what does this mean? Are you an MD who prescribed anti-depressants for his wife and didn't address the underlying reasons for them? NOT bashing you, just wanting clarity.

-- No. I suggested she she a doctor and she refused so she went to her gynocologist - who told her she needed the meds because she is taking care of two one year olds and needs to remain emotionally stable.

She started complaining about all the child care duties and housework

You make it sound unreasonable of her "complaining" but to be clear, isn't it because she was doing all or most of it AND working too? And had given birth AND had post partum??

--Yes. That's all true. No, it wasn't unreasonable. She wouldn't let me help with the housework because I wasn't up to her standards.

so I started taking on more and more of that as a way to make up for my financial failures. She also lent money to my business which is now gone along with both our credit scores.

So you DID help more around the house? But your business went under and hurt hers too? Okay. Anything else?


--- Yes and Yes.

I am guilty of hurting her deeply and extremely remorseful. [/quote]


Let's accept those words at face value and say you really are aware of the fact you hurt her deeply. AND

Let's say you really are "extremely remorseful."

I never saw any of that in your posts.

I just saw your anger and victimhood feelings.

Neither of which helps you. And neither of which reflects your remorse or awareness of what you did to create this situation. You simply posted about how you wanted to know if YOU could have a sexual online affair...

I'm betting, she feels you pushed her into the arms of OM.

and you concede SHE has been "very very lonely... for 5 years..."

you have been lonely for what, a few months?

-- no, I've been lonely for a number of years too. But yes, correct. she does feel I pushed her into his arms, I assume.

And you are Already lining up your plan of attack and how you'll avenge yourself if her affair gets physical

by leaving her AND the kids...Or issuing ultimatums...Good grief!

You have not read the div busting books, have you?

PLEASE DO SO ASAP!

-- I am reading it right now.

The real question is, what type of personal work are you doing?

Until this post, all I saw was the opposite.

So, what are YOU doing NOW to show her that YOU are different ?

-- I just started going to church. Haven't had a drink in 3 weeks. Reconnecting with old friends. Listening to her much more. Getting away for a few days here and there to give her some space. I'm much more present in the room when I am with her, the kids, the family, friends. I am engaged in my life again and it feels really good.

-- And yes, I am very upset, very confused and very remorseful all at the same time. I feel sick about the way I treated her and I didn't even realize how much pain she was in. At the same time, I can't swallow the idea of living in the same house while she actively dates OM. I don't think I could forgive that was my point.