Another crisis.....but H opening up now

[angel61]

Why does it have to take a crisis to cause a turn in the sitch?

The last time, it was D's cutting. At that point, H stopped talking about separation or divorce, and seemingly hunkered down for a long term miserable existence. I let it be, thinking that nothing lasts forever anyway, but the contact with OW was continuous, the way he treated me cycled, nothing much happened over the last 5 months.

This time it is D again.

She is starting to have problems in school - a victim of emotional abuse from her friends. She is an introvert, passive, but her friends all want to control her, not wanting her to be friends with others, threatening to spill her secrets if she does. So she has lost trust, and added to the bigger fact that she shared with me that she thinks that my M is hopeless, even if we stay together..... thus making her life suxx, she has on occasion has had suicidal ideations.

She thinks her life is meaningless, directionless. I of course tried to turn her thinking around but kids never listen to their parents. Especially since in her mind we are the cause of her misery in a big way.

I of course had to tell H. I meant to just say it without blame and judgement, but at when I actually did, I had a melt down. I started crying great big sobs, my pain for my D and our situation suddenly came flooding back to me.

I suddenly felt like bursting .... all the silece of the past months, all the resentment that I had buried came flooding back. I lost all my DB'in abilities. All I could do was to plead with him to stop this foolishness - to think of how this situation was tearing up our family, destroying his beloved daughter.

He was initially quiet, then later asked me if I really think it was all his fault. I looked at him and nodded sarcastically. he got mad at me, then I told him that we should stop all this asking about who is to blame or not. I told him I needed to get my anger off my chest, but at that point I was ready to forgive again and start working on how we will handle the problem of D, and that blaming each other would not help. I again said that I wanted him to stop conatcting OW, and he said yes, but that he would handle it his way. I said if he needed time I understand, but that if he wanted things to be better he has to end it. He actually readily acquiesced, which surprised me. the rest of the night was spent trying to be more cheerful around a morose D.

The next day, D refused to go to school. I had to go to an out of the city site, so I was dressing up when H came up to me. He said that he really had no intention of leaving the M, if he did, he would have been gone a long time ago. He said he knew he was in a midlife crisis, and this made him really confused. He also said that he could have ended the R with OW if not because I was watching him too much and controlling him. It made him feel rebellious thus he re-contacted OW again.

I had to leave so we were not able to finish our convo.

(To be continued)....