How do you handle a big difference in libido expressed as a difference in desired frequency? That's certainly a difficulty we had after the initial novelty of sex in our relationship. Though I was frustrated, I wasn't worried about the long term because I believed the general advice that women become more comfortable and orgasm-driven by their 30's and 40's. Which, of course, didn't happen in our case. And I also believed that general advice that men's libido drops off with age, which hasn't happened yet in my case, not even in the slightest.
How should I have handled it when I wanted sex about once a day, and she wanted it only once a week? Well, she said she wanted it only once a week, but with our busy schedules and things, many of those "weekly" opportunities were postponed by an extra week, etc. I kept trying to be romantic and hinting about sex to the point that she just got annoyed with it. To her it seemed ridiculously often after we both got jobs, a house, and kids. I remember once just being happy to see her and giving her a kiss, and she got really annoyed because she could tell I was getting aroused, even though she knew I had no intention of having sex at that point. She just started thinking of me as being "way too sexual", period. It didn't matter that we would cuddle, hug, and kiss often without sex.
I keep hearing the advice that one should compromise in many ways. And so that's what we did. And I was reasonably happy with it. But here's the thing. Biologically speaking, in terms of fantasy and physical readiness, I've always been eager for more in 12-24 hours, if not sooner, and certainly by 48 hours. And so what happened is that easily 90% of the sex I had was by myself, and only 10% with my wife. Looking back on it, it seems that this caused a sexual/emotional separation because the vast majority of my sexual energy was focused in a solitary setting. And I felt I needed to be OK with it because at the time I agreed that my sex drive was unreasonably high. In fact, I started feeling bad about my sexaul feelings because I could see they were hurting our relationship.
After a while, it got to the point where the compromise would be for her to just give me an HJ, so she wouldn't have to participate when she didn't want to. But I always liked the HJ's to last a long time, so that started annoying her too. As I remember it, she just became more and more disgusted with my sexuality, no matter how much togetherness and sharing we had otherwise.
