Stillness

[aeolianchaos]

Interlude: Where pleasant discussion about Birthdays, Beers, apartment hunting, yoga, and traveling take place.

Part III : Scherzo and Finale

Aeolian Chaos: Haha no nothing quite as exciting as that. Networking..
WAW: oh ok. well thats great
Aeolian Chaos: yeah. should be fun.
WAW: I hope it goes well.well, I have to say, I'm kind of glad you're staying in [THIS TOWN WE LIVE IN].
Aeolian Chaos: Why is that?
WAW: because you were a big part of my life. and still are. you're like family. even if we dont see each other- I hope that some day we might be able to...but knowing you're here is nice
Aeolian Chaos: I can see how you might feel that way.
I guess I wonder why you would want a friendship with someone you don't respect?
WAW: I do respect you
WAW: you're a kind, thoughtful, smart, funny guy
WAW: I know I said some things, about not respecting you, but it had more to do with you as a musician, than you as a person
and it was hurtful, and I regret that
Aeolian Chaos: You feel like your choices over the past year were rooted in a lack of respect for my musical accomplishments?
WAW: no. i cant say that they were rooted in that at all
in fact i dont think I could say that they were rooted in any one thing
I think it had way more to do with me, dealing with my own issues, than you as a musician
Aeolian Chaos: I can understand that. Do you think that there were choices you made that didn't represent your issues but perhaps your strengths?
WAW: im not sure I understand that question
Aeolian Chaos: I guess its kind of a complicated question.
But I tend to think that we all have a nasty side.. and many times a lot of that nastiness is directed internally.. the stuff that beats us down, makes us afraid... but I think there is also the best in us
Aeolian Chaos: and thats the side that is capable of love, compassion, true kindness.. and also in showing those things to ourselves. Its the part that allows us all to confront ourselves for the purpose of raising ourselves up, not to beat ourselves down. The part that actually enables us to be true to ourselves and our values.
whereas the worst in us the part that pretends to be self-confrontation, but really its just about whipping ourselves some more, making us feel afraid and act impulsively
WAW: well I definitely know that I wasnt acting in a way that showed the best in me and the decisions I made reflected that. I feel like we both are trying to be better people
Aeolian Chaos: Sure.. but you can't say that you sold yourself out 100% of the time can you?
WAW: no
Aeolian Chaos: When I say 'sold yourself out' - I mean you went against your higher principles or violated your own integrity.
WAW: no i cant say I did that 100% of the time. but I did
Aeolian Chaos: We all do in our own ways.
(cue: example of Aeolian Chaos owning his own bad behavior for about 6 lines)
And worse still, the fact that a part of me secretly agreed with what she said!
But it was easier to dodge that hit, for me at the time.. at great expense to my own integrity and my relationships with your family
Aeolian Chaos: all the while couching it in terms of someone not respecting me.
WAW: i get that. but I understood why you didnt want to be around her or my dad, because of how you felt at the time. we try and make the best decisions we can with the information we have at the time, and where we are emotionally at the time whether they are the right ones or not. and now you're learning from it, as am i.
Aeolian Chaos: Yep. If i had it to do over again, I like to think there are a lot of things I would do differently.
Aeolian Chaos: Anyways, I'm sure you've got stuff to do and I need to get back to work.
Aeolian Chaos: Be well.
WAW: I will
WAW: go ahead and just leave it.
WAW: take care Aeolian Chaos