Is it that you don't get why he doesn't get that you/kids are worth the efforts?
Did you read my post about my GREAT sister in law and my GREAT older sister?
Both beautiful women who married men not as attractive, not as socially skilled or popular and both had men leave them. (And both are happier now but at the time they felt like YOU...)
The underlying question is really about
"why doesn't he love ME/US enough?" and it misses the point AND
is not answerable.
In my older brother's case, he is simply LAZY...doesn't like ANY conflict and will do anything ANYTHING to avoid it.
His 1st wife expected him to show up for their d, and to help with finances, around the house with projects etc. So she'd make requests--all normal stuff. He'd sigh and moan and slowly, maybe, do it. What a pain.
But my bro is lazy....SMART & WITTY BUT LAZY....get it?
So he divorced her...moved away from his only child whom he DOES LOVE...as best HE can...for a JOB he loved...and then lost the job but still didn't move back to where his ONE child lived.
now, he's remarried a woman with VERY LOW expectations of him b/c she knows he's gone overseas 9=10 months a year (Afghanistan mostly)
now that he's having his 2nd child, (her first) we'll see if it changes.
I'd bet you $1000 he will remain away after a few weeks with new baby. My siblings and I don't get it. We love him but we agree he's a neglectful dad and yes, we've made the point.
For him, the joy of fathering a newborn seems outweighed by Too much work, late nights, interrupted sleep, no bonuses or awards or medals for good fathering...no public accolades...
I love my brother. But he's a lousy h and neglectful dad, and always was.
It's HIS FLAWS that caused this. Whether he loved his first w enough, well I guess not.
He loves his d and will love his new one. But he won't be around them much...
I cannot explain why. I can hope that both his ex w and his present w, do not take it personally b/c I am positive it's HIM.
My older sister's ex? Sure he DID regret his divorce. Too little too late and mostly b/c it seemed to him
that he "fu#$%ed up" but
the way he said it made it clear to ME, that he was somehow seeing himself as a victim.
Like he looked at what HE LOST and not what HE CAUSED...
so my sister wasn't too moved so much as saddened at his own choices and how miserable he is now with his new groovy "high maintenance" wife (his description)...
she expects a lot of him and he expects little from her. Role reversal, karma at its' best, whatever.
I think your h shows signs of being too lazy like my brother, and too self centered like my ex bil, to do what is needed...at least any time soon.
My sister spends NO time now, wondering why her ex did what he did.
She lives her life well. So does my former SIL.
So will you, if you choose to. Stop thinking you are not enough.
Maybe Your h isn't enough to do enough...
that's not about you it's all about him.
YOU are in charge of your buttons now...deflate their power...
identify why they are inaccurate perceptions of yours and reframe the issue.
then take back their power b/c it belongs to you.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
