Hang in there, Tele. Don't let the sitch get you down. You are strong and moving forward.....
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
Telemark - man, I'm sorry. The freak show possibly starts tomorrow, huh? It sounds like your W is adding to the circus by taking the most energetic dog. Good luck with that!
I am glad you didn't wake up thinking about your situation or your W. There will be more days like that to come.
I found out the same way I found out he and his mother were moving in - SS21 has been saying "Uncle R**** is coming tomorrow!" and his father texted me, asking what was going on. He has also known about the OM, but didn't know he was arriving so soon.
So, here is my question...
W is supposed to come to the house tomorrow to get dog and things. If OM is here, I don't want him anywhere near my house. W does not know I am aware of his "visit". Did I say nothing? Do I simply say I don't want him near or in my house? Do I confront her at all about this?
This s*cks.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Do you think at this point you'd rather be home when she comes over? After all, it's technically not her house anymore. You could always hang out in the background. Just because you're there, doesn't mean you need to interact with her. OR - you could call her on it - make sure she's coming alone OR you could ask her when OM is coming and see what she says. I dunno - I don't think you really have a basis to trust her right now.
TM, what about a friend being at the house while she is there to make sure there's no funny business going on (I wish I had arranged for that when H moved his things out)? I'd like to think that SURELY she wouldn't bring OM to your home, but unfortunately, I don't trust that she won't. Do what you need to do to feel like you are protecting your home (and your heart). Either way, I wouldn't bring up OM in any way to her. Don't even acknowledge that sad situation.
I can only imagine the sick feeling you got when you learned OM arrives tomorrow, but think of it this way...the emailing/texting/living in fantasy land "honeymoon" is going to be over real quick when the reality of 4 people (including an elderly woman and adult child, both who have needs) living in a 3 bedroom condo with an energetic dog (I have lots of things in mind I'd like for the dog to do to OM or his belongings, but I'm going to keep it classy! ) comes crashing down. Seriously, that is a very stressful living arrangement and would be challenging for the strongest of couples. Wonder if he has secured any employment yet? You mentioned she was having some financial difficulties (or at least things were tight for her), so I'd add some money issues into that bag, as well. That makes me feel .
I'll be praying for you, friend, (especially tomorrow) as I know this is a very difficult time. I will say that I firmly believe that there are good things in store for you. Try to enjoy your weekend (sounds like you have some good GAL plans). We are here for you!!!
Yes, lc hit the nail on the head. I wouldn't let her have full access without you or someone being there. I've even changed my locks and my W and I are still mostly amicable and dating occasionally.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
Thanks, all, but I'm going to stick with my plan...here's why:
1. I told her I would not be at the house when she came by; if I'm there now it could look like I'm overseeing her and acting like a security guard. Besides, there is nothing much left for her to take. My computer and file cabinets are all locked.
2. Since the OM is arriving today, she will be looking her best. Seeing her anytime is hard enough on me; seeing her dressed to kill, and knowing it is for the OM, is just more than I want to deal with.
3. I want to go as dark as possible, so I choose not to have any face-to-face time for now.
Sidenote...W asked me if I had removed her name from the mortgage already. I told her no, but I did have the paperwork ready to be notarized (it's referred to as a Quit Claim Deed in PA). I asked her if she had done anything about filing online: W: No, I haven't done anything yet.
M: Any reason why you are waiting?
W: I don't feel the need to rush this.
Now, I'm sure somebody will 2x4 me for asking about the D. I was doing all I could do to keep my marriage alive (although I made plenty of mistakes along the way) even though my W told me several times she no longer loved me, did not want to be married to me, etc. When I received the news that the OM and his mother were moving in with her, I decided I was done. I no longer felt desire to save my marriage. I do not want to be married to a woman who is living with another man. The D, painful as it is, sets us both free from each other. At this point I'm ready to move on.
So why doesn't she feel the same?
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
It sounds like your W is adding to the circus by taking the most energetic dog. Good luck with that! 
) comes crashing down. Seriously, that is a very stressful living arrangement and would be challenging for the strongest of couples. Wonder if he has secured any employment yet? You mentioned she was having some financial difficulties (or at least things were tight for her), so I'd add some money issues into that bag, as well. That makes me feel 
. 