That is exactly what I think is going on here. I think I'm shutting down to deal with the things I need to deal with. Do I know exactly what they are yet? No. Academically I know lots of things are what they are. My heart feels otherwise and bringing those into alignment is what I'm focusing on more and more.
Eric, you're right. Caring about less and less could be depression. Could also be that I'm overwhelmed right now. I'm working on clearing the decks to see what that is, but I am not my normal jovial self and have not been the last few months. Part new job and part stress of the divorce.
Academically: stress is self induced (really. If you let something bother you, stress is caused. If you do not, it does not. I do know that from past experience)
I suspect understanding AND accepting don't have to come at the same time, right?
Working on it. I think that clearing the decks is part of learning who I am exactly. Without a pretty, wonderful woman on my arm. I am really not sure who that person is right at the moment, but I do know I am not the person I once was. I am not the husband, father, brother, son, etc. I am the father, son, brother and neighbor still. But the friends and the dating are what I'm pulling away from right now. Re-evaluating and looking for that exploring attitude again.
One of the things that gnawed at me was the wondering if I was going to hurt GF. I don't regret the time with her, but I am sorry I hurt her. Very much so.
Looking at that, I think it best to stay away from romantic relationships for a while. I want to finish the re-evaluating of me. I want to enjoy things. When I have enough to share, I'll consider a relationship again I think.
Hope that doesn't take too long, but I'll keep an eye on the mood.
I appreciate the feedback! Really means a lot to me.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
