is there anyone YOU can call at that time for a nice LONG in depth discussion?
A talk filled with laughs about old times or the latest funny comedy
or something a little mysterious on their end that YOU are helping them with...??
Like something you have to leave the room to discuss but not about YOU, about THEM...make sense?
(Hey, I know it's high school. So what? I raised 3 kids-one still in HS. and I loved high school myself. I'm GOOD at high school....still in touch with half my graduating class-far more than college or law school...THAT's how well I did high school!!)
Just a thought...or get your Nook and enjoy. I love mine.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25 as always I read your replies with great interest. The idea of calling someone myself in the other room just never occurred to me. I'm not really a phone person myself. I usually prefer texting, email, message boards, etc... Places where I can think about what I'm going to say instead of the impromptu small talk and give and take of phone convo. Remember, I'm shy-- and i kind of have a phone phobia.
SO in that sense my calling friends/family/whoever would be an ENORMOUS 180. W knows I just don't do that. I believe I'll call some people in the next few nights during her marathon of HS texting sh!t!!
Last night I was able to stay out of the family room for a long time, but when I got tired and wanted my recliner she was still texting... I have mentioned here that my DB coach told me to try to distract her while texting. Well, it works half-way and depends on her mood. One thing I've been doing alot is saying "I'm sorry, I know you're busy, but...." then asking/telling her something. Attempting to engage a bit in convo. However, one of her longstanding complaints is that I talk ALOT so that may not be the best idea. What do you think? Distract, ignore?
25, I'm really working hard on just 'being'. Funny thing -- what really precipated all this crap this summer was W's work treated them all to a very expensive psychic reading (to me, total BS.. I'm not a believer in the supernatural at all). Well, it, along with some sort of 'inner child' workshop she attended at roughly the same time really gave W the courage to 'break up with me'. She said the psychic said I need to learn 'acceptance.' I don't believe in that nonsense, as I said, but in that case the psychic was correct. (I believe they are just very intuitive people). I DO tend to fight against things-- especially when it comes to saving my family.
I so wish I had found DB and DR long ago. It would have made all the difference. I would have been doing then what I'm doing now...becoming the person W needs by really listening to her and trying to understand her needs, and improving myself in many ways that I didn't acknowledge needed improving.
Just while I'm on the topic, I think I've always been pretty stubborn in the mindset of 'she should love me for who i am and the way i am...accept my quirks -- the shyness, my inellectual bent, etc.... but also appreciate my efforts to please her over the years. I'm the type who frequently left little love notes or 'have a great Monday' or whatever through the house. I'd bring her favorite flowers and gifts for absolutely no reason. I thought I was doing what she wanted/needed -- but she always told me she never needed 'stuff' - she needed the emotional connection. I guess I heard but didn't really UNDERSTAND what she was saying. That became my 'mission' -- to learn/grow emotionally to be there with/for her.
I'm just rambling, but I know that when I put down things here, someone always has insight for me. I LOVE this message board and feel like it's really a wonderful group of people.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
OMG, 25 has made a great suggestion, in fact, you could call me. I always have tons of problems that I need help with! And I never shut up - wouldn't matter how long your W and OW texted...my problems could outlast them!
Just kidding.
No seriously, I do have tons of problems. But more seriously, did you manage to distract or ignore her tonight?
That is a crazy story about the psychic, makes me wonder what field your W works in. We never get bonuses like that.
Me: 35 Him: 43 Together: 19 1/2 years 1st Bomb (IDLYAM): March 2011 2nd Bomb (OW): April 2011 He abandons home/bills/everything: May 2011 He's bought a new house for OW: September 2011
OMG, 25 has made a great suggestion, in fact, you could call me. I always have tons of problems that I need help with! And I never shut up - wouldn't matter how long your W and OW texted...my problems could outlast them!
Just kidding.
No seriously, I do have tons of problems. But more seriously, did you manage to distract or ignore her tonight? That is a crazy story about the psychic, makes me wonder what field your W works in. We never get bonuses like that.
pardon the Republican in me, but please God tell me that taxpayers didn't foot the bill for that idiotic crap...
gee, did that sound judgey? What, ME???
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
LOL -- no, that was actually one of my questions at the time. I'm a pretty eclectic political mix but I am for fiscal responsibility. No, it was money from a benefactor as a bonus for a year's hard work
By the way, I just found this that you, 25 had posted to someone else and I want to put it here so I will see it again and again. I'm still DBing the he!! outta things, and keep reminding myself to continue...
From 25yearsmlc----> "What ACTIONS are you taking to DEMONSTRATE change, not talk about it, but DOING...?? Any? How about GAL? These things matter. Just b/c they are out of your comfort zone doesn't make them less important. This is the core of DBing...you gotta do the work or you don't get the cookie."
I especially like the last line!
I guess if saving our R was EASY we would take it for granted again at some point after the reconcilation. All this hard work will stay with me and I am becoming better every day. In undeniable pain a lot, but growth is not painless.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
Alone, I did some distracting and then some ignoring. She actually put down the phone and had a pretty long (15min or so) convo with me about her day, a specific event. OW texted a time or two and she didn't answer at that moment.
Baby steps. Baby steps.
But I fell asleep in the den. I woke up at 1 am - she was gone to bed. That was weird b/c she has always gotten me up, and told me when she's going to bed if I've crashed out there. It bothered me a little. Don't know why. It just was strange. OMG mind reading. LOL.
Gotta keep the baby steps going. We really are getting along really really well.
Good things :
1.She's still home with me and S4. 2. No signs of exit strategy/no talk of it 3. the 3 of us are having family time at night at least 3 nights per week now -- eating dinner together/playing preschool games/ watching a cartoon dvd....DB coaches suggestion!!! 4. I've realized the things that I have done to hurt the R and I've begun working even more on those thigns she has told me that 'sting' --- and continuing my own emotional growth
Things I want to change -- and need patience for!! 1. that dam* texting all the time to OW!!!!! 2. OW needs to go period !!!! * of course, I am trying to be the better choice --- really make the changes, do the work, and keep my dignity and class in the meantime. 3. I realize how much I love W and how much I need to HEAR her and to understand her needs. I'm SO working on this!
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
I asked in another thread --- how do some of us get in contact on FB? I think it would be awesome to augment this fantastic site with some personal connections also.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
there's an alternate universe (FB) but DB doesn't like giving out personal info here for several good reasons.
But you can try if you figure out a few clues here and then go look on fb for it. There's a db group there.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
might be easier for those who wish to, if you said maybe the type of place you work or field or city...
and then give clues...dang, maybe jack3 or brandnewday can help.
So you know, there are some who are So needy here they've sought me out on alt universe to ask me for hours of legal advice I'm not qualified to give (different state and I'm not a div lawyer) oh and of course not paid for either. And they get mad if my answer isn't what they want to hear. Like long windedly scary mad... OR another time someone who lived near me really crossed some boundaries, called at all hours (my h really loved that!) and it got weird. It happens.
Be careful.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
