David, I'm just going to tell you what I think. Please don't be offended. I really want to help you man. I get where you are. With that out of the way....
You really want change?
Read 'Hold onto Your N.U.T.s' and David Deidas 'Ways of the Superior Man'
Look up David DeAngelo too.
Your goals are profound, but you really need to start smaller. QUIT being a wuss and focus on the smallest consistent actions for you. Be YOU...instead of worrying about what she thinks, worry about being the best you.
She is on a whole nutha' plane than you are, and the more you think about this crap and do things for her, the more you get disappointed.
If you want her to come back AND if you want to get through this misery, YOU have to do things for you. It's counter intuitive when you are doing things just for YOU, but that's the thing that attracts them back.
