Here's what I came up with. I have a tendency of overloading myself with things and then I become overwhelmed...not that that is obvious or anything.
Here is what I learned today: -My actions are toxic to my W. They are draining her mentally, physically and emotionally. I am suffocating her. -I'm negative and point out the bad that is happening in life. -I have proved that I am not ready to be the man that she needs me to be because I am acting immature, selfish, needy, pushy, negative, etc. -I'm trying too hard -I'm trying to fix the situation...I'm not fixing the situation -I'm not listening -I'm not mentally or emotionally strong in this area -I'm impatient -I'm full of crap. I say I want to do something but I do the opposite. I know what to say and what to do...I just don't do it. -Time is not the enemy....I am -It's time to "man up" -This is not who I want to be -I have a huge advantage and an easier situation than a lot of other people on this forum. My wife is telling me what she wants. My wife is talking to me. -I'm taking all of this for granted -I have people on this board that can help me, but only if I do what they advise and get my feelings out of the equation.
Goals: I want my wife to consider reconciling What mini goals will I need to accomplish in order to get the ball rolling? -Back off, leave her alone. Give her and I space to heal. -Quit finding solutions for her or us and find solutions for me -Stop all unnecessary contact with her. I will not email, text or call her unless it's an emergency or something of that nature. -I will give myself time to learn what I need to learn and grow -No more talk of the past or the future. Only talk about today. -I will listen and talk less…only when she contacts me. -I will wait for her to come to me (See stopping unnecessary contact) How will I know that I am on the right track? -She will want to be around me -She will feel held up by me rather than dragged down. -I will feel like I've accomplished something. -I will begin feeling more peace bed -She will start contacting me a little bit.
Stop being negative and start being more positive What mini goals will I need to accomplish in order to get the ball rolling? -Educate myself about being positive by reading books, doing research on the internet -Stop bringing up the past or future and start worrying about now. -When I feel negative, force myself to find a positive. -Stop talking about what I or someone else has done wrong. Only talk about what they have done right. -Praise the smallest improvement…no matter how small. -Be honest with myself but in a uplifting way. -Stop beating myself up -Relax and breathe -Get more sleep How will I know that I am on the right track? -I will be calmer -I'll have less stress and a happier outlook on life no matter the situation -I will know everything is going to be okay and work itself out -I will feel less unease
Detach from her (quit being afraid of her) What mini goals will I need to accomplish in order to get the ball rolling? -Quit being controlled by emotions. -Stop and think if what I am doing is going to hurt or help the situation? -LEAVE HER ALONE!!! Do not call, text or email unless it's an emergency. -Stop thinking about the future with her and worry about the present with me. -Start working on fixing the house again -Do not be at home when I know she gets off at 6 or goes into work at 2:30. (NOTE: She works a couple blocks from my home. I usually am here in hope that she'll drop by only to be disappointed when she doesn't...and I need to give her and I both space. Seeing her right now just messes with my emotions and I start doing dumb stuff) -Stop talking to people about my marriage. Reserve this for the DB forums only. How will I know that I am on the right track? -I will feel inner-peace and contentment with me -I will stop worrying what she is doing or going to do -I will stop feeling fear and panic to make things work right now -I will begin enjoying time by myself -She will no be the focus of my thoughts or life. I will be.
I do have other goals, but I didn't break them down like this because I don't want to take on too much, too soon. Here are my other goals though:
-I want to add to people's lives and not take away from it -I want to have more fun with the kiddos -I want to be an example to others -Learn the fine art of being a gentleman -I want to bring out the best in people -I want to treat my wife as the special treasure that she is
Okay. So my goals for tomorrow are: -No unnecessary contact with my W -Clean the house and make a plan for renovations -Find something positive around me as many times as I can -Take a walk -Go to the store -Think of one thing positive that would be uplifting to my W. Keep it to myself. (I'm hoping this will get me in the habit of finding the positive and lose focus of the negative).
What do you all think? Are my goals on track, realistic and obtainable? Am I missing something? Is there something I should add or take away? Am I expecting too much or too little?
