All that said, the feelings of disgust I am having towards the thought of H touching me are deeply disturbing me though. I assuming they will pass in time...
It will pass in time, I promise, E. It was hard for me at first, too, not to let my mind go to some dark places when my husband and I were being intimate together. As suggested by MWD in her books...when your mind goes there, just imagine a huge red STOP sign. I assure you, this helps.
Hugs to you...you are doing great. Just keep taking things one day at a time.
lc, I'm not even referring to being intimate. I can't even touch him. My hands, feet and lips start to tingle and I get chest pains. My body is having a very obvious psychosomatic reaction to H.
Do you mind if I ask how long it took for you to EVEN be able to hug your H after you found out?
Sweet friend, you can always ask me anything! I think everything that you are experiencing is completely normal. I don't remember how long it took for me to touch my H (or allow him to touch me) after I found out about his A (I have purposefully blocked out a lot of memories of that horrible time in my life), but our circumstances were quite different. H and OW were discovered by OW's (now) ex-H, and they were far from ready to give each other up (they were certain they were "in love"). It was off and on for much longer than I care to know about (although I am quite certain she is out of his life for good now). Your H seems to be willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage, and so I assume he is prepared to be patient with you. Take your time. He knows you are worth the wait.
