Grace, Love, Compassion, and Faith

[aeolianchaos]

The negative side is that it feels like constant work. It's constant because I don't get to "shut off". I don't get to let the anger consume me. So feeling everything else is painful. It's retraining my brain ALL THE TIME. At least that what it feels like.

So you feel like the work of feeling the pain without going into anger is work?

It probably is, in many ways. You are confronting your impulses to get more 'animalistic' and working keeping your thoughts in the most 'human' part of the brain (the parts that have evolved most recently and are broadly seen as the source of our highest cognitive functions). So.. yeah. You are working to retrain your brain.

But that is a good thing, for you - you're evolving!

It's not that she is being mean, it's just that she has stopped caring about if things hurt me, she has stopped caring about my feelings. It doesn't help that some of my friends think that I abuse the grace and compassion to stop from moving on and to fuel my co-dependency issues.

So, in your mind, do you think that her choices and behaviors should be playing a role in yours at this point?

Do you think you are abusing grace and compassion?

How is it stopping you from moving on? And how is it fueling your "co-dependency issues"?

Does the fact that you are choosing to be graceful and compassionate towards your W despite her actions towards you make you a more or less reactive person?

It's a lot aeo and If I'm honest, I'm fighting myself. I'm fighting my selfish wants and fighting my negative feelings. I very much felt like I didn't have a "voice" in my m.

Are all your wants selfish? None of them are valid?

You are a warrior heroically doing battle with your own dark side. You are bravely staring into the face of your self and not turning away. Its a battle only you can wage but you seem to be waging it with a strong heart.


Some of what you say about your shyness and her wishes to be normal and running resonate with my own sitch, so forgive me if this feels at all like I'm projecting on to yours.

What do you think her wishes to be 'normal' were rooted in?

I wonder if your shyness and her tendency to run aren't two sides of a very similar coin? Do you think thats possible?

In many ways it feels like I'm back in every stage of the grieving process EXCEPT acceptance.. which is where I want to be.

What do you feel like you are grieving?

What is it that you are accepting?

Is it different from what you were grieving/accepting before?