Val, please don't apologize for sharing your story or your opinions with me. I am very open. We are all here to learn, to share and to support. Not everyone does that in the same way. (I often use humour to in difficult situations and not everyone takes that the right way sometimes.) So please don't apologize for taking the time to respond to me in your way. I truly appreciate it.

Also, in no way did I get offended or take anything you said as parenting advice. I was physically and emotionally abused as a child and it took me a long time to forgive my parents. (I actually had to distance myself from them (at the advice of a counselor) for about 3 years in order to heal -- they were very controlling). So I understand that it's a process. BUT I believe it is I process we must all go through when we have been wronged in our childhood. When I finally forgave my parents, it was like having a weight lifted from my heart and soul.

I have a friend who is 40 years old and who is still hanging on to the anger she has towards her mother for the way she was treated as a child. She rarely sees or speaks to her mother but when she does, she takes everything the woman says as a personal attack (even when it's obvious it's not). She has spent 40 long years hanging onto her childhood pain and it's destroying her, not her mother.

You are doing so well in your sitch and I know you will find forgiveness for your father someday in your own time as well. It will happen when you are ready. (I was in my early 30's when I got there.) ((()))

Originally Posted By: Valeska19


How about just allowing her to express ALL of her feelings and validating & Listening? She has a valid point and I could very easily see her getting defensive or maybe even angrier because you are saying something other than what she is feeling.

Treat it like a R in the way that you are not pushing your thoughts on her, No pursuing of D for you or your H. Be there when she needs you but give her space to figure sh!t out in her head.


I do agree with you in that D16 has a right to her feelings. This is happening to her too. Her image of her father has been betrayed in a horrible way and she needs time to grieve. THAT is the point I got from your story, and I agree wholeheartedly. I'm adult and I can perhaps reach a place of forgiveness sooner (I think!) than D16.

AND I can guide her, I can lead by example and I can try to teach her BUT I can't and won't tell her what she can or should feel.