Regretful and not sure how to proceed

[In_Shock]

25 as always I read your replies with great interest. The idea of calling someone myself in the other room just never occurred to me. I'm not really a phone person myself. I usually prefer texting, email, message boards, etc... Places where I can think about what I'm going to say instead of the impromptu small talk and give and take of phone convo. Remember, I'm shy-- and i kind of have a phone phobia.

SO in that sense my calling friends/family/whoever would be an ENORMOUS 180. W knows I just don't do that. I believe I'll call some people in the next few nights during her marathon of HS texting sh!t!!

Last night I was able to stay out of the family room for a long time, but when I got tired and wanted my recliner she was still texting... I have mentioned here that my DB coach told me to try to distract her while texting. Well, it works half-way and depends on her mood. One thing I've been doing alot is saying "I'm sorry, I know you're busy, but...." then asking/telling her something. Attempting to engage a bit in convo. However, one of her longstanding complaints is that I talk ALOT so that may not be the best idea. What do you think? Distract, ignore?

25, I'm really working hard on just 'being'. Funny thing -- what really precipated all this crap this summer was W's work treated them all to a very expensive psychic reading (to me, total BS.. I'm not a believer in the supernatural at all). Well, it, along with some sort of 'inner child' workshop she attended at roughly the same time really gave W the courage to 'break up with me'. She said the psychic said I need to learn 'acceptance.' I don't believe in that nonsense, as I said, but in that case the psychic was correct. (I believe they are just very intuitive people). I DO tend to fight against things-- especially when it comes to saving my family.

I so wish I had found DB and DR long ago. It would have made all the difference. I would have been doing then what I'm doing now...becoming the person W needs by really listening to her and trying to understand her needs, and improving myself in many ways that I didn't acknowledge needed improving.

Just while I'm on the topic, I think I've always been pretty stubborn in the mindset of 'she should love me for who i am and the way i am...accept my quirks -- the shyness, my inellectual bent, etc.... but also appreciate my efforts to please her over the years. I'm the type who frequently left little love notes or 'have a great Monday' or whatever through the house. I'd bring her favorite flowers and gifts for absolutely no reason. I thought I was doing what she wanted/needed -- but she always told me she never needed 'stuff' - she needed the emotional connection. I guess I heard but didn't really UNDERSTAND what she was saying. That became my 'mission' -- to learn/grow emotionally to be there with/for her.

I'm just rambling, but I know that when I put down things here, someone always has insight for me. I LOVE this message board and feel like it's really a wonderful group of people.