Got an apology from XH. Need advice now.

[AloneAt35]

Antonia,

I can really relate to what you said about how by being able to communicate with your Ex-H, you realize that you've 'accepted' the situation at last.

I am not there yet. Every phone call I have to make, every thought of possibly running into him, just fills me with terror because it hurts so bad to be 'reminded' that he is starting a new life with the OW.

I think that in DB terms (and mind you, I have no reason to believe that my R could ever be restored)...but, nonetheless, in DB terms, its obvious that the LBS needs to get where you feel neutral about contact (as you do)...where there is no expectations and no agony when he doesn't come running back to you.

So, even if you're not trying to DB, you've probably reached a point where you could handle putting yourself out there to try in the event the OW was to tragically meet her demise falling into the orchestra pit.

And your Ex-H's "Great Opportunities" mantra that seems to be his unspoken justification for destroying a marriage...well that is the worst excuse for bad behavior I have EVER heard.

Sure, the world would just be FILLED with great opportunities for me if I robbed a bank of ten million dollars - I mean, just think of the new 'personal growth' experiences I could have spending all of that money! But I don't rob a bank because its wrong, and your Ex-H can never justify his affair for the same reason. We aren't entitled to ill-gotten gain...but your Ex-H must think he's the exception.