Was this her first encounter with a woman? If so, she's got alot more issues to deal with than you. The way she's blowing it off and saying it's "nothing" is BS. She's questioning her identity and since you're the one who is right in front of her asking what's going on, she takes it out on you.
First of all, understand that it's not about you. She's going through alot of issues right now. So stop obsessing about competing against the OW and learn from it. What did the OW do to fill the emotional void your W felt? You can do it too. Strategize. Learn what the OW did and top it.
Conquer your fear by doing a little at a time. When you're climbing the mountain, you don't think about how fast you're going to get to the top, you think about taking one (manageable) step at a time.
Remember "keep moving forward".
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
