Antonia

When I first saw these posts about your father the first thing that came to mind is just how CLEAR it is now that DB’ing is really a lifestyle and not just about saving M’s.

Healthy Boundaries

Sense of Self

Communication

Compassion

Accepting what we can control

Letting go what we cannot control

Responsibility over our own action and not the actions of others

Detachment

IMO, this issue with your father is a perfect example of how DB principals can and should be used in our day to day lives.

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THESE were the very things that I did from time to time that contributed to our marital problems when we had them.

WERE is the key word. You should be proud of yourself.

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He used to treat me this way when I worked a summer job at his workplace

He did because in short you allowed it…but I know you know better now. Right?

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But if I go, he will be abusive to me. And I don't deserve it and shouldn't have to take it.

Healthy boundaries are for WHO?

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You are 42 years old, a adult woman, and you can't change him, You can only change the way you choose to interact with him, taking responsibility for how you feel and act towards him.

Accepting what we can and cannot control.

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We cannot change others, only ourselves. DB101

Amen sista!

Lastly, a few other things you may want to consider.
1) He should not know nor does he or anyone else when and if you talk to XH.
2) You are not responsible for his drinking problem. It is HIS issue.
3) Who is responsible for your emotional health?

I have said often to you that DB is a lifestyle….if you agree now is a perfect time to live it.

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To this day he holds himself as better than my XH by far because he never cheated. So 40plus years of emotional abuse is ok?

Stop trying to understand it sweetie…separate yourself from the madness and focus on your happiness. PERIOD.

Lastly, realize and accept that you are a tramau survivor. You are not what he says you are or how he treated you. It was not your fault...go read my old post about this. The only way HE wins....

Is if YOU BELIEVE IT.

Your better than that!

Peace
Eric

"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans