Another thought: when I was stuck back in not accepting what XH did, I felt like if I had just been "better" in some way I'd have been able to "keep" him/"keep" the marriage. I was mired in self-blame and felt like a piece of crap. Total low self-esteem.
When I shifted my thinking to "he did what he did for his reasons/he still is in crisis/he may never escape it/I am not to blame for the adultery/she is not "better" than me, I'm a worthy person who he just isn't with anymore"/I am better off NOT being with him because of his issues and inability to work on them", then suddenly MY SELF-ESTEEM WASN'T SUCH A WRECK.
I stepped away from the embarrassment, from the need to be "perfect", from the need to have "a perfect marriage that lasts a lifetime", know that these things cannot be controlled.
And suddenly, MY mood lifted, and I started to feel good about myself.
In my father's world (and to a lesser extent my mother's) self-esteem seems to come from being able to control people or things. Not from within yourself. Not from showing compassion towards those who deserve it the least.
Goodness, I finally get why I had low self-esteem all these years. It's like a lightbulb went off. I guess his insanity today happened for a reason ;-)
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
