Antonia, I do not know what to say. What a terrible and sad family to be raised in, and how well you have done in overcoming that sort of childhood and upbringing.
OK so you know what your dad is like, and he is your father, and you love him. But this, I think, is about control, and him trying to make everyone to conform to his rather limited and strange view of the world.
You are 42 years old, a adult woman, and you can't change him, You can only change the way you choose to interact with him, taking responsibility for how you feel and act towards him.
All you can do is behave as you think fit. If he doesn't want you to go over accept that. Do not appear upset, acknowledge that he feels a certain way but you do not. And leave him to it. His loss ultimately. If you get sucked into his drama, which is what he wants, you will feel horrible, and he will never get the opportunity to learn . . .. So far his 'strategy has paid off, in his terms.
We cannot change others, only ourselves. DB101
i would say that you are sad that he doesn't want you to go, but that you respect his decision, and you hope that he will be OK. no need to either blow him off or go, that I can see.
