Sorry I havent posted in a long while. I have been busy with the DBing. Not been on the PC much.....Wish I could say all is fixed and going well. But we all know that would be way to quick. Still at home, giving the W space and letting her work through this whole mess at her own pace. We pretend everything is normal only no "I love you" or any kind of married couple things. I am just thankful to still be able to see her and the kids everyday and be apart of their lives.
What if you just said this in a card with a tasteful gift that you put thought into?
Also, even if it's just a walk or a drink together, I'd make SOME time for you two to be alone but in a way that isn't revealing ANY expecations from you in return...anniversaries are good to take time outs and check the R, but in your sitch she doesn't want the pressure of you expecting to ML and thinking 'all is well now". She fears complacency, I suspect.
Somehow she'll need to realize that you can feel safe with each other without being complacent but it IS a lesson to be learned. Takes time.
I am slowly introducing the idea of a M/C and she is kind open to it. She told me Sat. that she has days where she thinks working it out is a great idea. Then others when she doesnt think it is possible. Not sure out to take that other than just roll with it.
Be as patient as you can be and then, times it by 10...
ask her if she'd do Retrovaille...it's much more efficient, time wise, than weekly T although I think weekly t sessions lay the groundwork for Retrovaille pretty well.
Also, if you do Retrovaille, make EVERY effort to do their follow up sessions too...they're free.
For every ounce of effort we put into it, which was SO inconvenient at times..
we yielded exponentially more in return.
How else can I say it?
And if you're not Catholic (my h isn't and I always dread that issue being divisive) but the Retrovaille we attended sure didn't push any dogma onto us.
Plus they even have interfaith versions and Protestant only and maybe some other forms...
at ours, there were the team couples leading it (and their stories are far worse than yours. Or mine. That made us feel like our problems just weren't that bad in comparison b/c THESE TEAM couples had some
BIG horrible things like having a child die, AND discovering an affair all at once, and yet they turned their m's around, making the r's THE priority and it showed...and they were able to talk about it...)
There was a retired priest there who I don't recall saying much. He did volunteer to talk in private with anyone who "feels they were hurt by the Church, or any organized religion in the past"...which i thought was kind of gutsy.
Good luck
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
