I sent MIL flowers

[25yearsmlc]

"be more humble"...???

Wow, I had to wrack my brain to figure out how you got THAT message from my many posts to you...

I guess it's when you came up with yet another reason to do nothing in your sitch

(which in itself would be fine-hey, YOUR choice--EXCEPT
then you complain about your terrible, incapacitating fears of financial ruin--
and THAT makes it confusing for me to know how to help...)

I think You said you can't file b/c YOU might CAUSE your h a heart attack by doing so...

and I said I doubt he'd suffer anything physical for more than a few minutes, but if he did, it would not be about you so much as about finances.

The man hasn't seen you in how long? And you have not even spoken on the phone either, right? I assume that is for you to protect yourself, and I understand that.

but My guess is that it's not personal reasons keeping him from filing for divorce, OR personal reasons that he worries about.

I think It's money. At least mostly.

And we know you have fears about money matters as well. They sound like reasonable fears.

So, the only question really is whether you've been straight up with your lawyers and they with you.

If the situation really cannot be secured for you, financially, without filing for a divorce

(VC, I know you doubt that, and sometimes I do too. But let's just assume for the sake of discussion HERE, that it's true)

There's evidence that h is spending the marital assets.

So then you have to decide if you and son are worth the trouble of filing some papers, to have financial security and a home to live in.

(BTW, who says a divorce makes it impossible to reconcile? Who says limbo forever helps to reconcile, if it means doing nothing that works?
I have two family members who divorced and actually remarried their spouses later on. (But it was years later.) So yes, that happens too.)

So, are you and your son worth the trouble of having financial security and a home to live in?