For weeks I have been scheduled to go stay with my dad for 3 or 4 nights to cook meals for him and keep him company while my mom is on a trip. I was to leave today.
I've got 2 emails from him now telling me in a rather snippy way not to come. I'm incredulous. I spoke to my sister, who saw him last night. I said wtf? She said that when she started to talk about me arriving later today to him, he suddenly blurted out, Do you know she is talking to XH again? That they talked during the hurricane? She is WRONG. She should NEVER talk to him again. This is wrong. I don't believe she did this.
Now can we all see what I have worked so hard to overcome in the way my parents raised me? My parents don't forgive anyone. Once you make a mistake, you're out of the family and we don't like you. Also, we avoid you. We're better than you. We're self-righteous and condescending. My family has a saying, "Well, we can't ALL be AntoniaB's" (using my screen name in place of my own last name).
THESE were the very things that I did from time to time that contributed to our marital problems when we had them.
I have worked like crazy to overcome them and be a more compassionate person, and the biggest act of compassion I can make is to begin to forgive the person who hurt me most. And in doing so, a burden is being lifted off ME.
And look what happens with my father as a result.
Now I'm the bad guy for doing something that helps ME live a better life on my own. See the codependence at work? See how they want me to hate anyone who hurts me so that I only love them? And if I love one who wronged me, then all I get is aggression or indifference?
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
