PLEASE!!! Need help quick! Calling all vets!

[AloneAt35]

Tad,

I am not an experienced DBer. But I am A LOT (!!!) like you in so many ways. I have been with the same man since I was a child. I have been in ONE RELATIONSHIP my entire life. I have prayed for a miracle, I have spent more time on my knees since he left than on my feet. The pain has been unbearable at times.

Don't call or respond to your W. I don't think that any good can come from communication motivated by sadness and desperation. You're too good to let her see you this way Tad. She knows you love her, she's sorry (in a superficial sort of way) that she's hurting you because that uncomfortable fact makes her feel guilty. That is all.

A little guilt is a good thing - why absolve her of it? Let her think her (sort-of) apology/justification fell on deaf ears. Don't engage with justifications and attempts to slither out of the guilt she is rightfully experiencing.

Tad, this journey is much longer and harder than we could ever imagine. The relationships that do come back together take YEARS to do so...often long after the divorce is final. Long after the LBS has rebuilt themselves. Long after the WAS has experienced the repercussions of their choices.

Tad, I know that this fact won't comfort you RIGHT NOW, when you just want your precious W back, so this is for you for comfort right now:

"The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help.
He rescues them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
He rescues those whose spirits are crushed." (Psalm 34:17-18)

He's going to rebuild your spirit Tad, He is. Divorce is not going to crush your spirit. Divorce is not the end. Its going to give your W the space and opportunity she thinks she needs to be happy...and only time will tell...