It hurts. She knows how you feel. You've said it all. She KNOWS. But if you respond, like you really want to, you'll do damage right now. Later? Who knows?
I saw the same Tad. Mine once told me I could do better than her. She said she was sorry. Half hearted as well. She went through with it. It's final for me this Friday. I even went so far as to let her come back after that. Big mistake in some ways. For me it was right. I don't regret it, but it hurt more than the first time when she left.
What did I learn from that? I learned that words and actions MUST match.
Sorry? Really? Then why such an a******? This is what you wanted, right? This is what you <queue the swoon> "felt was right for you."
Ok. I learned the issue was not about or with me. It's not.
Same for you my friend.
Things look dark. And they will until you let go. When you let go and let her deal with her issues, in a loving and kind way of course, then things will look very different with or without her. But you'll know that she is free to deal with her issues. Do you want to get in the way of that?
She is disrembering things in a new way trying to cope. If you respond you validate. If you don't she is left to cope and make her own decisions - right or wrong - but you'll be setting the foundation for the future.
Step back and see the bigger picture now Tad. Time is what you need. Distance is what you need. Distance from the craziness in her head. She feels that way right now, but as you've seen that changes in the blink of an eye. Why Tad? Is it you?
Nope.
If it isn't you, can you fix it?
Nope.
Does it hurt? Of course. Would it have been worth it if it didn't? Would she really hurt if she truly didn't love you all that time?
Nope.
That leaves her to work out what is going on in her own mind. It leaves her to deal with her demons. You are radioactive to that, Tad. She is doing what she knows to do with what she has learned. Pitifully little, but that's another conversation.
Set the foundation. Decide if you can be friends even if not right now. But do not respond right now. The pain is too much for you to be able to respond in a positive way.
Later, after she sees that she didn't get what she wanted from divorcing you, she may change her mind. She may get help for the issues in her head. She may not, but you won't get to find out if you pursue in any way Tad.
See what happens if you don't respond. Responding to this point has not helped you.
Step back Tad. See the bigger picture. See the light.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
