Grace, Love, Compassion, and Faith

[JustStunned]

Val, the rollercoaster ride always gets worse when we have expectations. You have a bunch. It is ok we all do. I try to keep mine at bay or at least turned down to a dull roar. After a long while, longer for some, they begin to fall away. I don’t think they are ever completely gone, but I think eventually we find ways to live again, and live better.

Every so often a vet from here will pop in and speak about how there is a brighter light at the end of the tunnel. That their life is brighter, more satisfying, better after passing through this stinking pile of gelatinous fecal matter. Ever watch the sewer pipe crawl Andy does in the Shawshank Redemption?

In each of our lives we have had experiences that were rights of passage, where we become something better. We will do this again! We will become better!

It is very tempting to map this out. It is natural to do so. We want to know where the end will be. This did not work for me as it set expectations and I became more wrapped up in enduring it than working on bettering myself.

Give yourself a break, you have a lot going on that demands your focus. I expect the shoot you’re on has similar complexities to the projects I have. Compartmentalization is a useful learned skill that has gotten me through more than once.

Try and visualize placing all of this BS, the drama, W, and anything else related into a shoebox, alright a bootbox, place that box on the top shelf in the back of the closet. Only when you’re ready or you absolutely need to pull it down, open it up and deal. They cannot stay locked away forever, although it is tempting to do so. Compartmentalization helps me focus. Not always or as well as I would like, we all have our moments.

There is a concept here about letting go of the WAS. It is referred to as dropping the rope. I probably will not do it justice.

When the WAS departs, running away and we stop the initial pursuit we hold on to hope clinging to pleasant interactions and small signs they are turning back to us. The WAS perceives the hope and runs away faster. It is as if they have an invisible rope tied to them and we hold the other end in a death grip. The more they perceive the resistance of the rope the harder they run. If we drop the rope, then there is no resistance. What are they running from? It cannot be a strategy the rope needs to truly drop. For if it is a strategy when the WAS tests and sees hope renewed they will feel the tug of the rope and run some more.

It is very hard. I know this well as do many others here. If it is not a strategy, if when the WAS tests they do not see hope, they do not feel the tug of the rope then they may stop running for a time and begin to take stock. If they look back then and see the person they would be foolish to leave, and if that vision remains true, then they may begin an overture and the LBS may see the first baby steps to a new R.

It is not all milk and cookies. There are a lot of “ifs” here. Mom used to say “If ifs and buts were candy and nuts we’d all have a very fine Christmas” That is why we better ourselves, steel our resolve to make it out of this hell. For the WAS may not look back until it is too late, until after we have moved on to someone better. There is always someone better!

Do we really want someone who is running away so hard and spewing venom to hurt us? The possessed by the alien WAS? I do not. I deserve better. So do you! Frankly I wouldn’t mind being pursued a little. It would be a much need ego boost. That is not likely to happen sitting around waiting for the drama to end so get out and enjoy your birthday.

Happy birthday! Paintball, whiskey and ginger ale sounds like a recipe to me.
Drink a better whiskey and you will not need to adulterate the taste.