Wow, you've had a crazy couple of days! Do you know for a fact she was in a hotel with OM, or are you just thinking this is the case? Either way, don't bring it up again. Focusing on that won't help this situation and it very well could cause more problems if you continue to bring it up.
I'm just guessing here, but I think your wife is very confused about what she wants right now. That is typical for WAS. They pull you in, then they get scared or start 2nd guessing themselves, then they push you back away, then they start 2nd guessing that and they pull you back in...it's a tiring cycle to go through.
My suggestion to you is to stay consistent. You have made some amazing progress in your life and in how you treat others. You didn't do anything wrong in this situation, so don't spend any more time fretting over what you should've/could've done differently. Just let it go and keep being the great dad/person that you've become.
You are right, she does know you love her, so I'd leave that out of your conversation for now. Give yourself and her time to call off. She's obviously still emotionally detached, so I think she will be coming back around. Go a little dim, and let her miss you and wonder what you are up to.
